In Ruins
by teh-Sara
Summary: Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; “Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts.”
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **Finally, a WIP! I've been working on the premise for this since the finale. You'll have to excuse me when I get rather AU…also, I'm not going to be addressing the whole Locke-Jacob-etc. mess. Sorry if you were looking forward to that. By the way, I don't own Lost, any of the characters, or the Green Day song lyric from which I stole for the title. You know my 'ships, you know my style. As always…

Enjoy,

Sara

*

_Nothing's ever built to last  
You're in ruins._

[1]

Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts. He didn't feel the impact, only watched as everything fell apart around him. Kate held him; she was the last thing he felt, but not the last thing he saw. He grabbed her hand, held tightly, and she slipped away. He'd lost again.

He wondered if this was what it felt like to die.

Suddenly, the blinding emptiness jostled him, and he opened his eyes (he didn't realize he'd closed them – he was determined to keep them open to the light, he needed to see what would happen). It was bright, but nothing like before. He now held tightly not to Kate but to the rough arm-rest of his economy class seat. He rubbed his eyes, still rough from salty tears.

The Doc had done it; he'd put them back.

Sawyer looked around wildly, searching for faces, people. He knew they were mostly in business, some even in first class. The woman beside him shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. He didn't know her; she hadn't made it. Finally, his eyes landed on a familiar face – Ana Lucia. She was intently studying the book in front of her.

Then it hit him – he knew her. He remembered her. He remembered everything from the island.

He must have looked at her too long, because she seemed to sense his eyes on her. She looked up with hesitation, smiled slightly, and averted her eyes. He tried to gage her reaction. Did she remember him?

Was he the only one who remembered?

The plane jostled him again, and as he turned to look out the window, he realized they'd landed. He'd slept, seemingly, for hours, never moving, and here they were, at LAX. Miles away from the island; miles away from Juliet. (she had to be alive, didn't she?)

Ana- Lucia was alive, and she must be also; stuck on the island, under Ben's control. He raged to think of it. He wondered what consequences Jack's actions had had. How far back had the island affected people? Did Ben still remain there, under the influence of the Others? Was Juliet even there?

What had changed?

The plane slowed to a stop, and the Captain announced that it was 10:42 am in Los Angeles and they'd arrived right on schedule. Sawyer was out of his seat before the Captain had even directed them to do so. He grabbed his carry-on and hustled toward the front of the plane. People crowded in front of him. He saw Charlie file out in front of him, looking rough. He decided to chance it.

"Charlie?"

Charlie looked up and smiled. He remembered. "Hey, man." Sawyer smiled back, momentarily baffled. "Listen," Charlie continued, "if you want an autograph, can you wait until we get off the plane?"

Sawyer faltered. "I – no, I don't want a damn autograph," he said, more gruffly than he intended.

Charlie frowned, tugged on his guitar case, and shuffled away as quickly as was possible in the crowded aisle.

"Son of a bitch," Sawyer muttered. He leaned around the aisles, searching. Across the middle row, he saw her – Kate – handcuffed, sheepishly looking at the marshal. Without thinking, Sawyer lunged across the row. He didn't care to push people out of the way. "Freckles!"

She looked up at him, surprised. The marshal turned to face him. "Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step away. Can I do something to help you?"

He leaned around the marshal and met Kate's gaze. "Do you remember?"

She looked at him and replied softly, "Yes."

*

She woke with the sheet clutched in her grasp. Her hand cramped. Her eyes were closed tightly; her teeth ground together. She felt nothing but the ache in her hand. Saw nothing but the pink of her eyelids.

Carefully, she opened her eyes. The room was bathed in a soft light from the direction of the sheer curtains. Not her home in Dharmaville. Not her home anywhere. From her left, she could hear the shower running.

"James?"

There was no answer. He probably couldn't hear her anyway.

Juliet stretched in the bed, ignoring the pain that had set into her joints. She racked her mind, trying to figure out how she'd gotten here, where she was. Suddenly, it hit her, and she rose out of bed. The island, the bomb, the fall – she remembered it all. There was no way she could have survived.

Just as quickly as those memories flooded her mind, new memories overlapped them. Her head ached, so much so that she felt tears fall down her cheeks. _Julian, picking him up from daycare; Jared, his father, picking him up from her home; sad smiles; Rachel…Rachel's funeral; work; Edmund. _She saw herself with increasing clarity, performing all the duties before…before the island, but with several additions. Julian, younger, even, than she'd seen when Ben had showed her. She thought of the island, now blurry in her thoughts. She still remembered, but it felt like these things had happened years ago.

Had they?

In truth, they'd never happened – here she was in her home. She remembered decorating, cooking supper last night. She remembered that today was her day off. Lucky, she though, because she would have overslept.

Had it ever really happened?

She swallowed and tried to bring forward the memories of the island. Jack had said they wouldn't remember…why did she? She saw herself swinging over the drop-off, heard James' words – _Don't leave me_ – she let go.

She let go. She was dead, then, wasn't she?

She could remember hitting the bomb, shear adrenaline driving her onward. Her body had been numb.

She leaned back into the bed, exhausted. The island had affected her life much more than she even knew. Because the radiation was prevented, Ben hadn't needed her to help pregnant women. Thus, Rachel had not been saved.

It all made sense for a split second, then crumbled in fleeting memories.

She lived in the present, but she remembered two pasts. One, however, seemed more like a dream. She knew that this could never have happened, all this silliness. It was merely a dream.

She brought up her hand to pull up the comforter, saw the sunlight hit her wedding ring – James, Edmund? – and she _saw_ it. She pulled up her shirt and examined her mid-section. It was bruised where the chains had wrapped around her, faded, nearly gone, but still there. She looked back at her hand where the yellowed bruise on her wrist remained from James' grip, trying to save her. She could still feel him; she could still feel her love for him.

It had happened.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **WOW!The response I've had to this story has been phenomenal! I had it in my mind that I wouldn't update until I had 10 reviews, but by the time the count reached 10, I hadn't even had time to write the next chapter! Amazing! I hope I replied to each and every one of you, and for you reviewers without an account, thank you so much as well! Please continue reviewing; it makes me infinitely happy!

The Juliet part of this chapter was really hard to write, so forgive me. This chapter doesn't move very quickly, but we'll be getting into the good stuff soon enough. I still hope you'll read and review. Everything that I'm doing is for a reason, so don't get in a hissy over anything. Also, in case you don't know, McGhee Tyson is the airport in Knoxville (also my closest commercial airport, hee hee).

Enjoy,

Sara

*

_Do you know what's worth fighting for  
When it's not worth dying for?_

[2]

"Remember what?" The marshal's gaze flickered from Kate's face to Sawyer's, no doubt fearing some kind of escape plan. Kate looked startled.

"Nothin'," Sawyer covered, "We went to high school together!" He attempted to smile, but the marshal didn't buy it – not the best con. Sawyer glanced down at her handcuffs and feigned a look of surprise. He looked back up to Kate, "Oh, Katie, you did go wild."

Kate smiled slightly. "That I did," she said.

"I'll see you around, Katie," he said, practicing his Southern charm (it worked on the ladies; he could only hope it worked on the marshal). "Sorry to bother you." He tried to sound rushed, maybe even scared. The marshal only nodded and pulled Kate along. She didn't try to look back.

Sawyer merely followed along. He watched people and faces; he knew some, some he didn't. Some had died, some were alive. Ahead, he saw Rose and Bernard, holding hands and beaming. They waited patiently in their row as everyone passed. As he approached, he met Rose's gaze.

"Do you remem—"

Rose shook her head quickly. "We're retired, Sawyer. Remember?" She chided playfully. Despite her smile and sparkling eyes, he knew she was serious. Bernard chuckled.

"I understand," he said. He had his answer anyway.

He filed out, still meeting gazes, searching for others that remembered. He half-heartedly sought out Jack – Kate remembered, she remembered everything he'd done; he was no closer to winning her. If anyone was responsible for Juliet's death, it was Jack.

He tried to push these thoughts from his mind. Juliet wouldn't want Jack blamed, but three years hadn't changed him that much. He still had few fond feelings toward the Doc. To top it off, those three years – times of change, of evolution, of love – they had never happened.

That wasn't true, of course. Everything had happened, and he knew it. Kate knew it, Rose and Bernard knew it.

The terminal was bustling. He saw Jack standing in the waiting area, looking on the window. Sawyer doubted he was really watching the runways, but rather, he was watching the reflection of the people in the glass. As soon as Kate passed by, Jack turned on a dime. He opened his mouth, but Kate met his gaze, and she shook her head tightly to keep him quiet. He looked dejected, watching her and the marshal slip away from sight.

Sawyer didn't know what to do. He had one ticket to Chicago in the front of his carry-on, he remembered. That's where his connecting flight was, and from there it was back to good ol' McGhee Tyson.

He couldn't go even if he wanted. Not when he thought – _knew _– that Juliet was still alive. Out there, somewhere. More than likely stuck on that God forsaken island with Ben. _Bastard_. There was still a chance that she remembered (or would it be better if she didn't?).

His teeth clenched as he watched Jack watch Kate – again, Jack had lost her. Sawyer's instinct took over, and he couldn't hold himself back. He strode toward Jack. "Hey, Doc."

As soon as Jack turned, Sawyer's fist collided with his jaw. Jack stumbled backward. Someone yelled for security. "No, no," Jack called, rubbing his face, "We're old friends."

The gathering crowd did not look convinced, but when Jack did not fight back, it dispersed. Security never came. Sawyer grabbed Jack by the arm, looking him face to face. "_You_ did this," he accused, "You put us all back, and we _remember_. You fixed nothin'! And she's dead because of it!"

"Sawyer." Sawyer hated the way Jack said his name. Pompous ass. "She's not dead, don't you see? I saw Shannon – and Boone, and—"

"It doesn't matter, you son of a bitch. She's worse than dead – she's back on the hell-hole island. You know Ben was keeping her? Like a slave."

Jack nodded patiently. "I know that Sawyer but she – "

"DUDES!" Before Jack could finish, he was enveloped in a huge bear-hug. Sawyer slipped away, avoiding the potential group hug. As soon as Hurley let Jack go, he spoke, "I saw you talking to each other, and I was like, man, they have to remember because there's no way they'd talk otherwise. I saw Walt and Michael…I saw Claire! No one said anything to me. I tried to hug Claire, and she started hollering for security, so I thought I was the only one to remember but I'm not!"

Jack smiled. "No, you're not."

Sawyer remained stoic. This was hardly the time for celebrating. "Kate remembers, and Rose and Bernard. Charlie doesn't, neither does Ana-Lucia."

"Jin and Sun both do," Jack said, "I tried to get them to stay here for a while, but I think that since they had each other again, neither of them cared to stick around."

Hurley looked perplexed. "So what's that mean?"

Jack looked between Hurley and Sawyer, and immediately Sawyer knew exactly what it meant. "They were alive," Sawyer said.

"What?" Hurley asked.

Jack nodded and picked up where Sawyer had left off, "When the bomb detonated, they were alive. At least, we suspect Sun was alive, somewhere. Hurley, did Sayid…?"

Hurley nodded sadly. "He was meeting the big man in the sky before the flash, that's for sure."

Jack nodded again. "I thought so. He didn't remember me." Sawyer was _so_ glad the Doc thought he had everything figured out.

"Dude, I still don't get it. Why do we remember?"

"We were alive when the bomb detonated. We remember," Jack explained. "All those that don't remember, they were already dead…or somewhere else – Claire, Charlie, Sayid, Shannon, Boone, Ana-Lucia…" He trailed off, looking at Sawyer.

Sawyer hung his head. Why hadn't he realized the connection before? She hadn't survived the fall, couldn't have.

"Juliet," Jack finished, and before Sawyer knew what he was doing, he knocked Jack out cold.

*

The shower cut off, and Juliet pulled the covers up to her face. She didn't want to see him; she didn't want him to know she was awake. It was her day off, after all. She peeked and saw Edmund cross the room, in all his glory. It felt wrong, and she shut her eyes.

Her feelings were not new. She wasn't completely happy in her marriage, and she knew this had been true before the island. Her memories ran parallel. Because Ben had never needed her, Edmund had never been killed. She had still refused to share her studies with him, but they had begun to work out their marriage. Soon, they were married again, and she had finally shared her medical secrets. Although it was far different from her love for James, she did love Edmund, and part of her was relieved that he was still living.

Under the covers, she slid her thumb over her wedding ring. She had memories of couple's therapy, memories of long nights spent alone (he was at work, or so he said), memories of crying herself to sleep. Still, she had memories of kisses, of making love, of being happy, all with Edmund. They were fuzzy; not recent.

She stayed. Why? That's what she did. She had been ready for divorce, but after Rachel's death, Edmund had been her one constant. She remembered him holding her on the long nights after her death. And Julian absolutely adored him.

That's really why she had stayed. When Edmund interacted with Julian, he was a different person. She could see him as a father. Maybe if they had children, it would solve all their issues.

She knew from her own parents' struggles that this was far from the truth. She obediently took her pills. She could not bring a child into a world that was not filled with love 100% of the time.

She stayed because she still loved him – part of him, anyway. She stayed because she kept hoping that that part would come back.

He got dressed quickly and left. She stayed in bed, covers to her chin, and thought of his affair. She knew it was true. She had found out; she'd caught him. It had caused their divorce, but yet here she was.

On the island, she'd grown a backbone. At home, she was still as weak as ever.

She thought of James. Where was he now? At LAX? How far back had the island affected his life? Did he remember? She didn't know, couldn't be sure. She didn't know how she even remembered. Jack had said they wouldn't, but she did. Maybe because she was so close to the blast.

She was resigned to think she was the only one who remembered. She thought vaguely of going to LAX to find him, but she knew it would be too late. She was across the country. He'd be gone by then, wherever he was going. Doing whatever cons he could think up.

She didn't think he would remember, and she wept silently. Even if he did and she showed up, wedding ring and all, what would happen? Maybe he would come looking for her, but she remembered what she said to him – she would rather not have known him at all than to have to lose him.

She'd gone along with Jack's plan, and here she was – she'd lost Rachel, she'd lost her backbone, and she'd lost James. And there was nothing she could do about it.

None of this was worth getting off the sub. None of this was worth dying for.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **Once again, I'll never cease to be amazed by the response I've been getting from this fic. I look forward to logging on each day and reading all your replies! Thanks once again to all your anonymous reviewers who I couldn't answer directly. Your reviews mean just as much as everyone else's! Also thanks to all you who read and reviewed my past one-shots! I don't reply to those reviews, but I do appreciate them.

This chapter is a little slow, but I think you all are still going to enjoy it. I liked writing it. Next chapter is where the action begins.

Enjoy,

Sara

*

_Does it take your breath away  
And you feel yourself suffocating?_

[3]

Sawyer sat in the uncomfortable plastic chairs, head between his hands. Jack sat two seats down, shaking off the last of his headache. He hadn't been out long (not long enough, in Sawyer's opinion), and Sawyer did not apologize. It had been childish to knock Jack out like that, but he didn't regret it. Hurley kept offering to get Jack some water, or some ice, or anything really, but Jack shook him off. The last of the 815 passengers had filtered out; no one worth talking to.

"Dude, I totally forgot – my luggage!"

Jack looked at him. "It hasn't been that long yet, Hugo. It'll still be there. Why don't you go ahead and go get it?"

Hurley shook his head. "And leave you two alone? I don't think so."

"It'll be fine. I have to go get my – well," Jack spoke rather candidly, "I have to go get my father."

Hurley only stared at him.

Sawyer watched this all from a split in his fingers. He hadn't had enough time to comprehend the discovery that Jack had made (it was always him making the discoveries; Sawyer never seemed to put things together fast enough). He felt a horrible pain inside to believe that Juliet didn't remember, and even more of a pain that he had no way to disprove Jack's theory. The more he thought about it, however, the more it torn him apart to think…this is how Juliet wanted it.

_Just because two people love each other doesn't always mean they're supposed to be together._

It made him angry to think about, completely angry – and lost. What was he supposed to say? Sawyer wasn't the guy who knew the right words; he never had been. Heck, he had a hard time saying "I love you" first. He regretted it now.

_If we never meet, I'll never have to lose you._

Miles and miles from where she was (the island, at home, dead?), he was losing her all over again. He could feel her slipping, and with each breath, his heart sunk farther. She didn't remember, and that's why she had made the decision in the first place.

_I love you, James. I love you so much._

To reply would have been to admit defeat. He couldn't think of the words to say back to her. _Don't you let go. Don't leave me_.Meaningless, selfish. Why didn't he just say he loved her back? Did she know? And even if she did, did she still think they weren't supposed to be together?

If Sawyer was still the same man that stepped onto that plane in Sydney (was forced, deported), he would blame Kate, but he didn't. He didn't know why he'd looked at Kate when he did, something about the feeling he'd had when he lost her. He hadn't lost Juliet yet; he didn't know how it felt. But without Juliet, he ached. She had filled the hole that Kate had left and still had enough love to make her own spot.

"Sawyer." Jack interrupted his thoughts, and Sawyer looked up at him. "Don't you need to go get your luggage?"

He merely nodded and stood up slowly. He no longer had the strength to argue with Jack, to blame him. It was his own fault, really. Or Juliet's decision (brought on by his selfishness). If she only knew.

Jack, Hurley, and Sawyer walked in relative silence to the baggage claim. Their bags were still there, rotating in small circles, unclaimed. They fought past others and grabbed their bags. Jack left to find out how to get his father's body to the funeral parlor. He told them not to leave, and Sawyer no longer cared to take orders.

"Look," Hurley whispered.

Sawyer followed his amazed stare directly to the face of John Locke, who was looking back at them with equal intensity. Sawyer averted his eyes.

"You think he remembers?" Hurley asked.

Sawyer shook his head. "No, he was dead. Remember?"

"But it's Locke. Doesn't he, like, know everything?"

Locke began rolling toward them. Sawyer was momentarily put off by his wheelchair. It was odd to see him that way. He slowed when he neared the two and smiled up at them. "Well, you did it," he said.

"Did what?" Sawyer asked.

"You finally claimed your bags," the man joked, "They've been circling here for a while!" With that, he wheeled himself away. Hurley and Sawyer were left only to stare after him.

"Claimed our bags," Hurley mused. "You think that's Locke-speak for destiny?"

Sawyer shrugged, and Jack stepped up behind them. He was watching Locke's exit as well. "He was dead," Jack affirmed. "If he remembered, he would have orders for us."

"Orders," scoffed Sawyer.

"Hugo, you live near here, right?" Jack asked.

Hurley nodded. "Santa Monica. Only about 20 minutes. At least, I guess that's where I'm going."

Sawyer slipped into reverie as the Doc and Jabba the Hut began to discuss ways of getting in contact if needed. There was nothing they could do but go on with life. Hurley responded obediently and hugged both Jack and Sawyer. Sawyer didn't resist. He bid them good-bye and went on his way.

"Sawyer?"

"What?"

Jack scratched his face. "Do you want to stay with me?"

Sawyer was genuinely confused. "Why?"

"You're not from around here, and I need your help."

"What makes you think I'm willin' to give it to ya?"

"It's not for me," Jack said. "It's Kate. I want you to help me get her back."

Son of a bitch.

*

Juliet stayed in bed until nearly noon before she was finally able to drag her tired body to the shower. She was lucky Edmund had not come home for lunch (he hadn't come home for lunch in months, years), because he would have surely known something was up. She had no way to explain it; how could she explain that she'd woken up in the morning with an added 5 years under her belt. Impossible.

She stood under the water, letting it beat down her back and shoulders. She lightly touched the bruises on her torso. Had Edmund seen them? How long had they been there?

She finally traced the bruise on her wrist. The only remembrance she had that he did love her. She didn't fault him for not saying it (wondered why, perhaps, but wasn't angry). It didn't matter now anyway.

By the time she managed to pull herself away from the shower, it was nearly time to pick up Julian. She threw on jeans and a t-shirt without consulting the weather. Even in September, it was never too cold in Miami.

She drove the familiar streets to Julian's daycare. She was excited to see the little boy, as if she hadn't seen him nearly every day. Part of her still mourned Rachel's death, although she knew she'd long since had her time of mourning. Poor Julian. He would never know how absolutely wonderful his mother was.

She took a deep breath and pulled into the little school's tiny parking lot. She was early.

She twisted her wedding ring around her finger as if it didn't belong there (maybe it didn't). Her breath caught her in throat each time she saw the bruise. _James_. But he wasn't here. She didn't know where he was or what he remembered. She didn't know anything else to do but to keep moving on with her life. She couldn't leave her job, her family (her husband?).

Finally, Julian's teacher walked him to the car, where Juliet thanked her and fastened Julian into her seat. All the time, Julian was sharing about his day. He'd always been a talker. He'd formed complete sentences before some kids spoke at all.

Julian continued talking all the way home, showing sheets of color, showing off a paint splatter on his pants. When they got home, Julian ran ahead of her to the house. "Is Unc Ed here?" He asked.

"Not yet," she replied, "He'll be back before your daddy comes though."

Julian toddled to his toy box and successfully removed all the toys there. When Juliet returned with his snack, he was ramming Mack trucks together with great crashing noises. "Wanna play?"

She smiled and sat down with her. He would fuss at her if she ever rammed his trucks first. She aided in the crashing sounds, and it all felt so normal. She had been on an island for a little over 5 years, and she'd missed all this (although she really hadn't; her memories all mixed and coalesced). Julian had Rachel's eyes and her spirit. She thought for a moment that she could deal with this. As long as she had Julian, as long as he needed her, she wouldn't ask for anything else. Not for marital happiness…not for James.

Julian ran his truck into hers, shouting, "Outta m'way, Blondie!"

And in that moment, he looked more like James than anyone, and she had to keep her smile from crumbling.

_Where do you think you're going, Blondie?_

Home.

_Don't you let go. Don't leave me._

What if it were James here and not Edmund? Hadn't she done this all to forget him?

_I don't care who I looked at, I'm with you._

And he would stay with her forever, if she let him, and she would always love him for that.

Forever. But where was he now?


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **So, I have a lot to tell you guys this time. First of all, thanks again for all the reviews! I didn't get as many last chapter as I did for the second chapter, but that's okay. I'm sure everyone is getting tired of reading by now, but I promise stuff is about to start happening. The catalyst arrives in this chapter. :)

Secondly, Elizabeth Mitchell is going to be in the ABC show, _V_. I wonder what this means for her role in Lost! I've been holding on to the fact that she's not _really_ dead, but I don't know anymore.

Lastly, Juliet's part in this chapter is really short. Why? Because all the action is happening on Sawyer's end of the equation. However, in chapter 6, Juliet finally gets a bigger part and some action. Yeah, I've already got this planned out…finally!

Enjoy,

Sara

_Does the pain weigh out the pride?  
And you look for a place to hide?_

[4]

Jack's apartment was nothing like Sawyer expected. It was modern, filled with greys, blacks, and reds. Jack led him into the spare bedroom. It contained a queen bed with enough throw pillows to sink a ship. "You sure you ain't married?"

Jack simply laughed. "Make yourself at home. And thank you."

Sawyer didn't bother to accept his thanks and busied himself with exploring the room. He was shocked to even be in this situation – having a sleepover at Doc's house was exactly what he hoped he'd come back to (he didn't have anything to come back to). He left his clothes his suitcase; he didn't plan on staying here for long. Just long enough to help Kate, and then he'd see where he could go from there.

Part of him assumed he would go back to his job as a con man, but the thought only produced vague interest. He'd grown up, finally, and although he had regressed in time, he hadn't forgotten the impact the last three years had had on him. The impact _she_ had on him.

Agreeing to accompany the Doc back to his apartment was not an easy decision. In truth, he agreed because he had nothing else to do. He'd made a life back on the island that he felt he could never accomplish again (without her). He'd stifled his first reaction to Jack's request – _Are you crazy?_

"She needs our help," Jack had said.

"What, you gonna break her out of prison?"

Jack had considered this option. "I don't know what to do. That's why I need your help. You are…skilled at this sort of thing."

Sawyer had nearly laughed in his face. In the past (present?), he'd been "skilled at this sort of thing," but those times were gone. Since then, he'd loved and lost, and then loved and lost again. He had found out things about himself that he still didn't understand.

"I'm not sure I can help you, Doc."

"What else are you going to do?"

Sawyer was stunned by Jack's words. He should've figured that the Doc wouldn't give up so quickly, not with Kate. Breaking her out of prison, or whatever they planned, would definitely give Jack a leg up on any competition. He didn't see Sawyer as a threat anymore either. Even he could see that the relationship between Kate and Sawyer had been one-sided at best (though neither Jack nor Sawyer knew which side returned the affection).

"I don't know," Sawyer admitted. "But I'm sure I can find somethin'."

"Are you going to look for her, Sawyer?"

Sawyer knew immediately that he wasn't talking about Kate. "No, Doc, I don't plan on it. She doesn't remember, so what's the point?"

Jack had only nodded. "If you help me, I'll help you find her."

Sawyer had been confused. Hadn't he just told the Doc he wasn't going to try to find Juliet? "Did you hear me? I'm not going to find her. She picked this. She wanted it this way."

"You keep trying to convince yourself. You want her to be on the island with Ben?"

The thought had infuriated him. What was Ben doing to her? Was she happy? Was she having her little book club right now? Another question floated around his mind (was she thinking of him?), but he dismissed it.

"If you help me," Jack had said, "I'll help you get back to the island. To find her."

Sawyer had been at a loss for words. But when Jack had gone, he followed (he always did).

After a moment of composing himself, Sawyer wandered back into the living room, where Jack sat with an open bottle of vodka sitting on the coffee table. "Want some?" Jack asked.

"No, thanks," Sawyer replied. "Too early."

Jack chuckled.

"No, how exactly to you plan on breaking Kate out?"

Jack slipped his drink and contemplated. "You make the distraction, and I…"

"You already drunk?" Sawyer asked. "Prison breaks don't go like that."

"Sawyer," Jack said, seriously. "I'm not planning on breaking Kate out. I'm just planning testifying at her trial."

"How do you plan on doing that? You were nowhere around."

"That's where I need your help, Sawyer. You can get me into that courtroom, can't you?"

Sawyer thought about this. Lawyers were crooked people, and he'd done bigger cons, but back then, he had been in practice. "I don't know," Sawyer answered honestly.

"Well, you have all day and night to think about it. The trial's in two days."

Sawyer didn't bother to ask how he knew all these things. He didn't bother to ask how Jack was going to help him get back to the island after all this.

The two had spoken for hours after that, bouncing ideas back and forth. They spoke about the island some, and how everyone was. They talked about Miles, who was who knew where, and no doubt still remembered. They talked about Ben, who was on the Ajira flight but had never been found in the 1970s. They hadn't been able to question Sun, but they knew she remembered, and there was no doubt Ben would, too, if he had been alive (Sawyer wondered what this meant for Juliet). Sawyer made Juliet notably absent from the conversation, even when he referred to his life in the last three years, he did not mention her. It was if she never existed.

Jack had eventually fallen asleep in the living room (whether from jet lag or the alcohol). Sawyer was forced to make himself at home. It was late afternoon, and Sawyer finally searched the kitchen for something to satisfy his nagging hunger. Sawyer finally found a cup of Easy Mac (Jack was obviously not the cooking type and had the appetite of a 6 year old) and heated it up.

He had just finished his late lunch when he heard a knock at the door. He craned his neck around the corner to see if Jack had heard, but the other man hadn't moved. "Son of a…" Sawyer muttered and crossed the room. The knocking came again, louder this time.

Jack stirred and opened his eyes. "Can you get that?"

Sawyer looked through the peep hole, but he didn't see anyone. The knocking continued.

"Who is it?"

"Can't see," Sawyer replied. He opened the door, and she stood with her back to them. "Shit," Sawyer breathed.

She turned around with a forced smile, but she couldn't hide her surprise. The feeling was mutual. "Sawyer, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question."

Jack suddenly appeared behind him; the look on his face was a mixture of shock and excitement.

"Hey, Jack," she said softly.

Jack didn't reply, so Sawyer spoke for him. "This don't look like prison. What are you doing here, Freckles?"

*

"Uncle Ed!" Julian screamed as the front door opened.

Edmund came in and scooped the little boy up in his arms. Julian squealed and threw up his arms as Edmund came at him with full-on belly tickles. "Hey, kiddo," he said.

Juliet watched the exchange with both adoration and lingering sadness. Edmund gave her a quizzical look and let Julian down.

"Spin me!" Julian demanded with his arms in the air.

"Not now, I get too dizzy," Edmund said.

"But I not dizzy!"

"But you will be. Maybe later." Edmund stooped to give Juliet a kiss on the cheek. "How was your day off?"

"Fine," she said. "I didn't do much, just…" she trailed off; he'd already gone into their room and closed the door. She shrugged and went into the kitchen to start supper.

Julian continued to play with his trucks in the other room until Jared came to pick him up. "Bye Auntie Jules, bye Uncle Ed!" Julian called. Juliet gave him a hug and a kiss, and Edmund spun him around once. Jared thanked them, same as he did every day, and left. He never spoke much.

Edmund settled down on the couch with the remote control until dinner was ready. The couple sat in relative silence except when Juliet asked questions about his day. He told her of all the exciting things he'd done and seen. He never down-played anything.

After supper, Edmund went back to the couch while she cleaned. She wondered vaguely what it would be like at work tomorrow, whether she'd be able to deal with the stress of it all. She examined the bruise on her wrist. She couldn't help but to keep checking to see if it was still there, to see if all she remembered had really happened.

It was always still there, and so was the empty feeling in the pit of her stomach.


	5. Chapter 5

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **Okay, you're getting this update early because I love this chapter! I had so much fun writing it, and I think you guys will like it, too. And it's longer than normal, so yay for that, too.

Thanks to everyone who gave me info on EM's status on Lost. I knew you guys would know! And, of course, thanks to everyone who reviewed. I know I didn't give you very long to review this time, but I was too excited to post this chapter.

I dedicate this chapter to all the Skaters who jumped ship to Suliet (like me).

Enjoy,

Sara

_Did someone break your heart inside?  
You're in ruins._

[5]

"They let me out," Kate said. He noticed she still had her overnight bag with her.

"Let you out." Sawyer felt compelled to repeat her statement. He knew what she'd done, and he had gotten out of some pretty tough situations himself, but he didn't know how this could have possibly happened. "Why?"

Jack stepped forward to push the door out of Sawyer's hand, letting it fall open more. "Come in, Kate."

Sawyer shook his head heavily. The Doc just oozed lovesick puppy, and he didn't know if he could deal with this right now. He trailed after Kate and Jack into the living room, where Jack quickly replaced his vodka. They all sat; it was if no story could be told until every one of them was stationary. Only when Sawyer stopped fidgeting did Kate speak.

"Someone came in," Kate said, "and confessed."

"Confessed to your crimes?" Jack questioned. He'd finally found his voice. Although Sawyer knew that that Jack loved Kate, he knew the logical part of the Doc would finally win over. If there was one thing Jack could do, it was ask questions (this talent was second only to giving orders).

"Yes, but I'm not sure who it was." Kate lowered her eyes quickly, and then looked back from Jack to Sawyer. Sawyer could tell she was lying, but there was nothing he could do. He was unsure whether she was lying about being let out of prison or about not knowing who confessed. Either way, it seemed entirely false that her trial would be called off in such an event. But Sawyer was no lawyer and could be no judge. Stranger things had happened.

Kate continued to tell her story. Jack called her on a few loose ends, but she got away with much of it. After she finished, she asked if she could stay at Jack's place. He agreed. Sawyer's mind screamed in rebellion, but he was a guest here, too.

"Well, Doc," Sawyer finally said, "I guess I'll be heading back home then."

"There's no need, Sawyer. I will still keep up my side of the deal."

Kate looked between the two, confused. "What deal?"

Sawyer shook his head. "Doc here said he'd help me get back to the island. To see if I could find her," he explained. "But I don't need to go back and find her, because she picked this. If I tried to go back, they'd kill me, and she'd never know the difference. She doesn't remember."

"How do you know?" Kate asked.

He'd forgotten that Kate had been absent while he, Jack, and Hurley had sorted through the evidence of who did and did not remember the time spent on the island. Luckily, Jack took the reins and filled her in on what she'd missed.

"And no offense, Freckles, but something tells me you're selling trouble, and I ain't looking to buy any." Incredulously, from the corner of his eye, he saw Jack nod his head, agreeing.

"Listen, Kate," Jack said, "I don't know what you're lying about, and I don't know why you're here, of all places. But I'm willing to help you." Under his breath, he added, "After all I've done, it's the least I can do."

It was all Sawyer could do to keep from rolling his eyes. If Jack was willing to risk his life (or freedom) for Kate, so be it. Sawyer had better things to do than to be locked up for Kate, though he wasn't quite sure what those things where.

Kate looked back at Jack with wide eyes, as if she didn't expect him to figure this all out. Sawyer had to hand it to her, she was a good liar. But the Doc probably had probably dealt with liars about as often as he did.

"And maybe Sawyer can help us," the Doc concluded. Sawyer stared at him.

"Help you _what_?"

Jack and Kate spent half the evening trying to convince Sawyer to help, but neither of them could really tell then what it was they needed help with. Kate couldn't because she was too busy trying to cover her ass, and Jack couldn't because he didn't know the whole story (he never would).

"Listen," Sawyer said, "I'm staying one more night and whether or not you all have decided what you're going to do about little Miss Convict here, I'm out of here tomorrow. I'm not going to find – her." He found it nearly impossible to say her name. "So I don't need your help with anything."

"But Ben – " Jack attempted.

Anger boiled inside Sawyer. "But Ben nothin'. What happens, happens," he echoed Daniel's words, "Don't you think I wonder what he's doing? What he's doing to her? You think I just don't care anymore? Well, Doc, Freckles, I do care, but it ain't my place to care anymore, and she doesn't remember, so she ain't going to care back."

Jack and Kate both looked at him with shock and – he nearly cringed to see it – pity. He got up and excused himself to his room (excused himself without a word to them). He caught them looking at each other like they were thinking 'at least it's not us,' and if he could've gotten his luggage past them, he would've left. He would've.

He lay in bed and tried not to think that tonight would be the first night he'd slept alone in three years. He heard Jack and Kate's muffled voices. He stared at the ceiling, but all he could see was her face.

-

He woke later and could smell her shampoo, distantly. He knew where he was, and he knew Kate was down the hall in the shower, but he kept his eyes closed and pretended he was back in Dharmaville. He blocked out the sound of Jack's voice, on the phone making funeral preparations like he wasn't harboring a fugitive or whatever Kate was.

He breathed in the scent, and it got stronger when he heard Kate open the door. He heard her footsteps, louder than Juliet's had even been. Kate didn't think of disturbing other people. Some nights Sawyer would go to sleep alone and would wake up with Juliet next to him, her body formed to fit his, her knees pressed to the back of his, as if she couldn't get close enough. He'd never so much as hear her breath before he felt her.

He drifted off again to the murmur of Kate's voice, trying as hard as he could to convince himself it was hers.

He woke to a soft tapping at the door. He tried to ignore it, but the door cracked open and light spilled in. "Sawyer?"

"What do you want, Freckles?"

"Can I come in?"

He thought about it. A few years ago he wouldn't have hesitated to let her into his bedroom.

"Please?" She asked.

"Yeah, come in. And turn the night on, will ya?"

Kate didn't listen. She closed the door and let the light that crept under the door lead her to the bed. She pulled back the covers and got in on the side opposite of him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Sssh," she said, "I'm not doing anything. I just want to talk."

He turned on his side to face her. He could see her silhouette and could smell her shampoo, but he couldn't make himself believe it was Juliet. "What do you want to talk about?" He asked gruffly.

"Don't you want to talk about her?" Kate's voice was soft, soothing, and though he knew she was no good, he felt like he did want to talk about Juliet.

"Why?" He whispered in the dark.

"Because you loved her. Are you mad at me?"

Kate had never been this way before, not to Sawyer. She seemed so fragile, so childlike. On the island, she was rough and gritty. Being back to their old lives had changed them all.

"Why would I be mad at you, Freckles?"

"I couldn't get the chains off." Her voice broke here, and he felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach.

"It ain't your fault. And what good would it do now? She still wouldn't be here."

He could hear Kate's hair scrape against the pillow as she nodded.

"Tell me about her," she whispered.

"What's there to tell?"

"Jack said you won't talk about her. You act like she doesn't exist."

"To her I don't exist," Sawyer said.

"How do you know?"

"We've been over this already, Freckles. She was dead, and the people who were dead don't remember."

"How do you know she was dead?"

Sawyer was stunned at this question. How _did_ he know? He had no idea how long the drop was, but he knew he couldn't see the bottom. But she was strong. He shook off the idea – she wasn't that strong. "You saw her fall, you saw the drop." And he'd have seen the bottom, too, if it hadn't have been for Kate pulling him away.

She seemed to read his mind. "You would have jumped."

"Maybe," he admitted.

"Maybe she was alive down there."

Sawyer cringed to think of it. Juliet, his Juliet, down there in that hole by herself. In pain, dying, and then…the flash had saved her. He didn't know whether or not he wanted her to still be alive. "Kate," he whispered.

"What?"

"You think she was?"

"Alive?"

Sawyer hesitated. "Yeah…"

"Yeah, Sawyer, I bet she was. She was strong."

Sawyer felt tears fall down his cheeks, and he felt so weak. He wiped his face against the pillow. Even if she did remember, did she still want him?

Kate reached for his hand and found it in the darkness. "It's okay to cry."

"I miss her," he said pitifully.

"I know."

"Juliet…" He said her name for no reason that to say it; the first time he'd spoken it since he ended up back on the plane. Kate squeezed his hand, and he fell asleep like that.

Sometime during the night, he felt Kate's hand leave his. He didn't try to hold on. He heard the door to Jack's room click softly as she went in.

*

Edmund fell asleep on the couch, and when she woke him, he said he'd rather just stay there for the night.

"Edmund, you still have your work clothes on."

Begrudgingly, he got up and changed into his pajamas. He was always tired lately, though when she saw him around work, he was Mr. Enthusiastic. She tricked herself into believing that his lack of energy was because of his hectic work schedule, and not because of his work assistant.

After he went to bed, she stayed up for hours on the couch, wondering what she would do about this life of hers that seemed to be in ruins. She was torn between two men – the one she was married to and the one who had her heart.

Edmund had changed since they had decided to work out their marriage. He never hit her; he never did anything to her that left evidence. Instead, he played endless mind games; he played her emotions. He put her through more ups and downs than a roller coaster. She never knew which Edmund would come home at night – the increasingly distant, silent Edmund, or the loving and playful Edmund.

More and more, the former had come home, and more and more, she felt herself in a stumbling sadness.

Thinking of James made her feel no better. She had no idea where he was, if he were anywhere at all. She had no contact with any of those from the island. How was she even to know that they had come back to their time with her? The island worked in mysterious ways. She didn't know how far back their lives had been affected.

Before the blast, she assumed she would be back at her studies with Ben, maybe conducting her book club. Maybe she would be with Godwin, or someone else maybe. Maybe Ben would let her see Rachel. Maybe Rachel would still be alive. Maybe…

She could have had no foreknowledge of what the nuclear blast would bring. She didn't even know if the island still _existed_.

She tried to flip through the TV channels, but the remote was out of batteries. She busied herself with trying to find them. The kitchen was a bust, but she knew Edmund usually kept some in his drawer. She'd had to give him a drawer of his own, where all of his things went, so they wouldn't be left laying around the front hallway or the kitchen.

As soon as she opened the drawer, she saw them, creased perfectly down the middle. She couldn't see the writing, but she knew. Something had been telling her all along.

She unfolded them and read them over. Tears brimmed in her eyes, but she didn't really know why. She wasn't sure if this was what she had wished for or not (she had an awful habit of changing her mind). However, when she looked down at her wrist, where the faded bruise still remained, she got a pen and added her name under his on the divorce papers.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **So many people have alerts on this story, where are all the reviews? I'm not going to stop writing for lack of reviews, but I do so enjoy getting them. :)

I think you guys will be proud of this chapter; though my knowledge of escaped convicts and divorce is lacking a bit…you'll live!

By the way, I rushed to finish this chapter today so I could post it on my **6 year anniversary** at (when I joined, it was ! whoa). I deleted all my old stories when I started writing again this year, but I've been here a long time…since I have 14! Scary, huh?

Enjoy,

Sara

_Lay down your arms_

_Give up the fight_

[6]

He had her hand as tightly as he could hold, but the pull from the chains was stronger, and she hurt, so badly, he could see it in her face, and she tried to tell him it would be okay, but it wouldn't, not without her, and he urged her not to let go, but he knew she would, and he didn't think he could handle it to see her be torn apart by the force of those chains, and she told him that she loved him, _so much_, and he couldn't say it back because the bile rose up his throat and it burned, and he burned as she fell, and he called for her, but she didn't answer, _couldn't_ answer, because she was at the bottom and he was at the top, and he stood over the opening and he jumped, and he fell forever and ever and she was no one to be found.

All he could hear were screams, over and over, in a pattern.

He woke up, breathing deep and sweating. He wasn't holding on to her, or falling. He was in the bed in Jack's guest room. The pillow still smelled like Kate or Juliet, or whoever had been there last.

He could still hear the screams, but they were no longer screams. Sirens. Confused, he tugged on a t-shirt and pants and rushed into the living room. Kate and Jack were already there. They were both already dressed.

"What's going on?" Sawyer demanded.

Jack looked at him, wide-eyed, as if he'd forgotten that Sawyer had been staying there. It seemed likely, since the two were already up and dressed, but he had to let the blamed sirens wake him up and…sirens.

As it dawned on him, Kate spoke, "They found me."

"Shit," Sawyer breathed.

"What do we do?" Jack asked. He didn't direct the question at either of the two in particular. The sirens were getting louder.

"How did they find out?" Kate asked.

"Enough damn questions!" Sawyer roared. "Now you got us as your accomplices, Kate. There's only one thing to do." Kate and lies. Lies, lies.

"Run," she said.

Sawyer nodded stiffly, formulating a plan in his mind. As far as he could tell, this was the worse place to be in the currently situation, in Jack's apartment. One way in, one way out. Too far to jump out the window. "Fire escape?" He asked.

Jack pointed to the far window. Kate rushed open and threw the window latch up, opening it outward. She looked down.

"Let's go," she said.

Jack went first, followed by Kate. Sawyer brought up the rear. As they made their way down, the sirens were loud enough to wake all the residents of the apartment complex who were not already awake. So close that if they didn't make it down at exactly the right time, the whole building would be surrounded. Sawyer knew that cops could be dumb, but they wouldn't be dumb enough to leave the fire escape unguarded.

In the dawn light, Sawyer could make out the Doc ahead of him, moving quickly. He had Kate's hand in one of his. Kate looked back at him as he realized this and jerked her hand from Jack's.

Sawyer shook his head. It didn't matter to him whose hand was in whose as long as they were moving – quickly.

Jack hit the bottom, Kate right behind. Sawyer jumped the last rail and landed beside them. "My car's back there," Jack said. He had control now; Sawyer knew it wouldn't take long. He and Kate ran behind him. Sawyer vaguely remembered where Jack had parked the day before (had it only been that long?).

"Hold it right there!" Cops, and plenty of them. Sawyer thought he saw Kate's marshal buddy out in front of them. Of _course_ they already had the parking garage sealed off. Sawyer cursed himself for his slow thinking.

The three stopped; there was nothing else they could do. Jack stepped in front of Kate, as if he were acting as her shield. She would never do the same for him, and Sawyer wondered if he realized.

"Put your hands up, and keep them up. We don't know what Ms. Austen has told you two, but you're now accomplices in a major crime. If you come with us quietly, you'll get off easy."

Sawyer looked back at Jack, Kate behind him. Jack was looking straight at the group of officers before them. Kate was looking at Sawyer.

"I'm sorry," she mouthed. He knew she wasn't apologizing for getting them into the mess. Suddenly, she turned and ran in a straight line behind Jack. It took the officers a while to notice, and when they did, they were out of shooting range.

"After her!" The marshal ordered. A few officers followed on foot. Some turned to their cars for the pursuit. "You two are coming with us," the marshal said. Two officers came forward and cuffed them.

Jack finally looked at Sawyer. "You knew," he said.

"I know her," Sawyer answered.

"How?"

"I used to be her. There's a time when I would've run, too."

*

Edmund had gone in early, leaving the bathroom vacated just in time for Juliet to pull herself off the couch and shower for work. He hadn't said anything to her; hadn't asked her why she'd slept on the couch. She heard him rustle around in his drawer, but she doubted that he even looked at the papers.

After showering and getting ready, Juliet looked in the drawer to see if he'd taken the papers. He had. She wondered when in God's name he was planning on giving them to her, and she wondered how long he'd had them.

It didn't matter. The third time would not be the charm for their relationship. It was over.

She glanced at the clock and realized she was running late. Instead of sipping coffee and watching the morning news, she poured a to-go cup and ran out the door.

Juliet dreaded getting back to work (though in her real "present," for lack of a better description, she had only been off for a day). She remembered exactly what she'd done two days ago, but at the same time, she felt like she was out of practice. Her body wasn't quite working up to par for this early in the morning, although on the island she often had long nights and early mornings. This wasn't the same. She felt drained.

With caffeine shooting through her nervous system, she worked effectively until lunch, at which time she was presented with a dilemma – she always ate with Edmund, assuming he didn't "skip" lunch, which he often did. She found herself hoping he wasn't there, and she didn't care where he was (with his assistant, maybe, but she didn't care).

He was in the break room at lunch, heating up whatever he'd brought from home. When she came in, he didn't say anything.

"Not going out for lunch today?" She asked.

"No," he said.

She 'hmm'ed a reply and got out her own lunch.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"Eating…"

"Why are you in here?"

"This is where I always eat," she said.

"You know damn well that's not what I'm talking about, Juliet," he said. Although his words were harsh, he still spoke in a calm, even tone.

She knew he'd seen her name on the papers. "So I take it you saw," she said, smartly. She could feel her backbone springing back up. "Were you planning on giving them to me today, at lunch? Here?" She was angry, but she tried not to show it, just as he was. It would only give him more power. She couldn't believe he was planning on giving her the papers here, at work.

"Maybe I was," he said, finally turning to face her, "Maybe I wasn't ever going to give them to you, Juliet; maybe I changed my mind."

Juliet couldn't help but roll her eyes, and she maintained her position as he took a step toward her. Surely he wouldn't hit her; they had moved past that.

"You never change your mind," she said. She tried to keep her voice strong, but she could feel doubt eating away at her resolve.

He smiled, a slow, cruel smile. "You're right." He did the unthinkable then. He turned around and turned on the TV. He sat down at the table with his food and pushed out the chair in front of him with his legs. "Don't you want to talk about this, Juliet?" He asked, though his eyes remained on the TV screen – he was playing with her again.

"Talk about what?" She didn't dare sit down. "You're the one who wants the divorce." Although the more the thought about it, the more relief spread through her. Maybe she wanted this, too.

He nodded slowly and glanced up at her. "Don't you want to know why?"

"No," she said, but honestly, she did. She bit the inside of her lip to keep from saying more.

The TV filled the silence. "…and news out of Los Angeles. As we reported earlier, Katherine Austen, a fugitive that was transported from Sydney, Australia, to LAX early yesterday morning escaped captivity sometime late last evening." On the screen, Kate's picture appeared. Juliet's breath caught in her throat. Kate? That meant she wasn't the only one who had made it back to the present.

Edmund cleared his throat loudly. His eyes widened when Juliet shushed him.

This morning officers of the LAPD, accompanied by United States Marshall Edward Mars, cornered Austen outside of a Los Angeles apartment complex. Unfortunately, Austen eluded arrest, but LAPD officers apprehended two men said to be aiding Austen in escaping arrest. The two men have not been linked to Austen's murder in Iowa. The two men, identified as Jack Shephard and James Ford, are expected to be released on bail…" James…and Jack. The two must remember; they probably would have never even _spoken_ had they not been on the island together.

If the reporter continued, Juliet didn't know it. She shoved her sandwich in the trashcan and turned toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

"To see a friend," she said, "The house is in my name. Have all your stuff out by the time I get back."


	7. Chapter 7

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **Wow – putting a guilt trip on you all is very, very effective! :) Thanks for all the reviews! You really have no idea how much they mean to me, each and every one of them!

I apologize for my lack of knowledge concerning the workings of a jail. Suspend your disbelief for me. Haha.

This chapter goes out to all my reviewers who don't have an account here, so I can't reply to each of you directly. So many of you have reviewed nearly every chapter, and just because I can't reply to you doesn't mean I don't appreciate you. So this chapter is for all of you!

Enjoy,

Sara

_And your thoughts have taken their toll  
When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul_

[7]

"Keep your mouth shut 'less they ask you somethin'," Sawyer directed, under his breath. "We're old friends, met up in Sydney; say ya fixed up my ex. Didn't know Kate, but you two hit it off." He was thinking as fast as he could, but things weren't adding up. He had been _deported_; nothing was looking good here. "You gave her your name, and she looked you up. You listed?"

Jack nodded.

"Came and asked for a place to stay. I was waiting for a flight tomorrow; she said she was, too. We didn't know what to do when she started runnin', so we just followed. You got it?"

Jack nodded again.

The two officers in the front seat were chatting away, never about anything that was of any importance. The radio stayed silent – no one had caught Kate yet, and he doubted they ever would. He could only hope that if they did find her, she would keep quiet about them. She owed them that much.

"She never loved me," Jack said softly.

Sawyer looked at him. "Never loved me either. Now keep quiet."

-

Sawyer had been questioned before, but usually his crimes were more on the severe side. Odd, considering he was now suspected of helping an escaped convict. He should've left the night Kate showed up, but he couldn't. Something about her still _held_ him, in some way. Not anymore.

He sat across from a tall, slender officer with a receding hairline. The man was of lack-luster appearance. Nothing stood out except for his large, bulbous nose.

"How did you know Ms. Austen?"

"I met her last night. She showed up at Jack's place asking for a place to stay. They obviously had something going on in the past. I was staying there until my flight today. Which I'm going to miss," he lied easily. "She said she had a flight to catch today, never said where, and we didn't ask."

"Did Ms. Austen tell you she was running from the police?"

"No, she didn't." That was the truth.

"How are you connected with Jack Shephard?"

"Old friend. He doctored up my ex a long time ago."

"Ex-wife?"

"Girlfriend." They'd know if he'd have been married.

"Did you know Mr. Shephard was in Australia?"

"I didn't. I met up with him at the terminal."

"Why were you deported from Australia?"

"Bar fight," Sawyer said simply.

"It says here," the officer looked to his clipboard, "that you head-butted the Australian Minister of Agriculture."

"I did, but listen, am I being questioned about that? Because I've already been through that."

The officer nodded stiffly. "Did you see Ms. Austen on the plane?"

"No."

"Where were you seated?"

"Economy class," Sawyer replied.

"Why did you follow Ms. Austen when she began running?"

"Didn't know what else to do. Caught up in the moment."

The officer didn't seem to buy this excuse, but there wasn't anything else he could do. After all, they didn't_ have_ Kate. After a few more useless questions, the officer led Sawyer back to his cell. If Jack was around, he didn't know where.

-

He wasn't sure how long he'd been there (hours for sure, for the rest of the morning and half the day, at least) when a different officer, this one built like a body-builder, short and stocky, came to tell him he'd been bailed out.

"Shephard, too?" Sawyer asked.

"Don't know," the officer replied. He was obviously a man of few words. Sawyer followed him into a large room to gather his belongings. Jack came in a few moments later.

"Who bailed us out?" Sawyer asked. He'd left Jack in charge of their phone call; he didn't know anyone within miles that would bail him out (he didn't really know _anyone_ who would bail him out).

"Hurley," Jack replied. Of course, the lotto winner would have enough bucks to bail them out. "We have to come back for Kate's trial."

"They found her?"

Jack shook his head. "When they do."

"They won't. Not for a while," Sawyer said softly. After changing, they walked to the main lobby where Hurley was seated. He stood as they approached.

"Dude. Dude, this is what you do when I'm not around?"

Jack shook his head stiffly, letting Hurley know that it was a good time to keep quiet. Luckily, the other man got the point.

"Sawyer, what are you doing here?" Hurley asked suddenly, looking between the two.

"What do you mean what am I doing here? You bailed me out," Sawyer replied.

"No, dude. I tried, believe me, I did. But they told me someone else already bailed you out."

*

Juliet had called and booked a flight to LA before the adrenaline and excitement had worn off. Unfortunately, her drive faded as soon as she hit security, and she was increasingly sluggish as she hit the hard chair at the gate, waiting for her flight.

What was she _doing_? She'd seen him on the news, helping an escaped _convict_, who just so happened to be _Kate_, and here she was going to find him, _bail_ him out. She'd just kicked her _husband_ out of the house. She had to explain to Jared why she wouldn't be fulfilling her duties as an _aunt _today (a business trip? Isn't it a little short notice? – he'd find out soon enough, no doubt Edmund would call him and they'd explain her unexpected trip as a way of running away).

Her two pasts were conflicting, and she didn't know what to do. She was not longer sure which one was more _real_.

Although the news report had confirmed that James must remember, it didn't mean that he remembered her. After all, the island never worked in the same way for everyone. Maybe he only remembered part of his time there. Maybe he didn't remember the three years they spent together.

Maybe she wasn't remembering it correctly. Maybe she'd dreamed it all.

She didn't try to convince herself of that. It was obvious that it had happened. Kate, Jack, and James would have never joined forces straight off the Oceanic flight. Kate and Jack, maybe. James and Kate, maybe. But not James and Jack – no, they were far too different.

But maybe fate had intervened? Maybe the blast had taken them even farther back and she was just now catching up.

And did he love her? Was he with Kate now?

The bruise on her wrist had faded, far too quickly in the passing of nearly two days. She could still see it though, yellowed against her pale skin.

He tried to hold on. _She_ was the one that let go. _She _was the one who said that maybe they weren't meant together.

Did she honestly expect that she'd show up in LA and they'd have some sort of heartfelt reunion? That they'd live happily ever after without having to explain to her family and friends how they'd met? That this divorce would wrap itself up with a bow and it would all be over? That she could merge both her pasts and still find her present?

"Ma'am, are you okay?" A younger boy, maybe around 13, stood in front of where she was sitting. She realized that she had been nearly hyperventilating. She felt dizzy.

"Yeah, fine." She faked a smile. "Afraid of flying," she said, "but thanks."

The boy smiled weakly and walked on to sit a few seats down from her, sitting beside a woman who she assumed to be the boy's mother. That could be Julian in years. Would she even be around by then? Maybe dying was fate…maybe she'd just gone back these years to relive all the same pain from the island, only here. Maybe Edmund was like Ben, trying to keep her around but all the while engaging in other activities that he hid from her, as best he could. Now she was running to another place, to the people she'd run to once before, to escape. Would she be welcomed, or would that go as it had before?

Was she living the same life she'd lived before?

She put her head in her hands. The boy glanced at her, but didn't ask if she was okay again.

The stewardess finally called her seat number, and she stood. This was her last chance to turn away, possibly to change the way her life was fated to go. Or maybe if she went, that would change things. It was all so uncertain.

She steeled herself, grabbed her purse (she hadn't brought anything else), handed the stewardess her ticket, and boarded the plane. There was no turning back now.

-

The nearly 5 hour flight gave her more time to think, but she tried so hard to keep those thoughts from her mind. She had made her decision. She didn't know what she would do if he didn't remember her. She didn't know what she would do if he were with Kate, _with_ Kate. But from here on, whatever happened, happened.

It didn't take long for Juliet to find out where James was being held. She took a cab there, all the while fighting her own nerves. She felt sick to her stomach and chill bumps jumped up on her arms, though she wasn't cold. The cab driver no doubt assumed she was a junkie from the way she couldn't keep still.

She walked up the steps to the building. She had never been a woman particularly interested in faith, but she prayed. If there were a God, or something watching over her, she needed all the help she could get.

After she'd bailed him out, she sat in an adjoining room. She chewed on her bottom lip. In the main room, she heard Hurley bail out Jack – so he remembered, too. She wanted to go out and greet him, but she couldn't move. She felt glued to her seat.

The minutes went by so slowly. She nearly walked out several times, but she couldn't, not now; she'd come too far.

It seemed like hours before she heard Hurley speak again, "Dude. Dude, this is what you do when I'm not around?" There was a brief pause. She strained to hear James' voice. She tried to get up again, but she couldn't. She felt a lump in her throat form.

"Sawyer, what are you doing here?"

"What do you mean what am I doing here? You bailed me out." _Him_. He sounded the same. She ached inside. The lump rose farther, nearly choking her. Tears sprung to her eyes.

"No, dude. I tried, believe me, I did. But they told me someone else already bailed you out."

"What? Who?" Sawyer asked. Juliet steeled herself. If Hurley answered, she didn't hear it. She was running on auto-pilot as she stood, shakily, and stepped out of the room.

"Why," she began, swallowing back tears. _Remember me, please remember me_. "Why do you all have all the fun without me?"

They all turned at the same time to look at her.

*

(**AN:** Don't kill me!)


	8. Chapter 8

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **Okay, sorry it took a little longer than I expected to post this chapter. After all the threats on my life, you'd think I would have written faster!

This chapter goes, jointly, to **GencoOliveOil **(for offering help), **Brodie-wan **(for great reviews), **KaydenceRei **(for being awesome), and **Sparkle **(for being impatient. Lol!).

Enjoy,

Sara

_Throw up your arms into the sky_

_You and I_

[8]

When he heard her speak (yes, it was really her, it had to be – he'd memorized her voice, the pitch, the rise and fall), he felt his throat dry instantly. He turned, as if on cue with Jack and Hurley.

She was beautiful. Blonde hair, blue eyes (the same that pierced his very soul). She looked tired, nearly as defeated as he felt, but yet hope lingered in her face. She was hoping, so very desperately hoping for something, he could tell.

He glanced back at Jack to see that the other man's jaw had slackened and his mouth hung slightly agape. Good then, Sawyer thought, she wasn't a mirage, some kind of beautiful banshee sent just to torture him.

"I think I'm seeing dead people again," Hurley said. He sounded out of breath.

Hurley's voice broke Sawyer's reverie, and he was moving toward her before he could hold himself back. There were no questions, no thoughts in his mind, because at this moment, all he saw was her. She was here, and she remembered. She had to. He felt so very foolish for doubting her.

All the pain and regret of their last days together and their time apart (had it really only been two days?) melted away in his strides to her. She looked into his eyes with fear and doubt and all the things she shouldn't be feeling because he would never, never let her feel them again.

"You were on the news," she said, pitifully.

She choked up her tears and they flowed freely and he kissed her, so deeply that he thought he may never recover. He could touch her and feel her and he couldn't think of any words to say other than those he breathed against her warm lips, "I love you."

"You remember," she finally breathed as he tried so hard to wipe away her tears, but they kept coming. He wished he could stop them, stop all the pain. He felt hot tears fall down his own cheeks, and they mixed with hers.

He rested his forehead against hers, and he knew he should feel foolish for this, in public, but he didn't. He looked into her eyes and thought he could never look away, or else this would all be gone. "I could never forget." His lips found hers again, this time with less furious intensity, this time softly, tenderly. He only wished that he could open up his heart and let her see all of him, and then maybe she would know. "I love you," he repeated, and it felt so good to say – it was what he should have said at the Swan, but he hadn't.

"I love you, too," she sobbed, and he could tell she meant it. "I'm s-sorry."

"For what?"

"Letting go."

He felt his heart being wrenched from his chest, and he looked into the same face – the same face he'd seen disappear down that hole. He knew that it was not something she needed to apologize for; it had been either let go or take him down with her (and he would've gone) or be torn apart by those chains.

"Just don't you ever do that again," he said, but his voice came out as a choked whisper. This time she kissed him, softly, to comfort him.

His chest felt tight, and it burned for him to breathe. His head swam. She looked past him to Jack and Hurley, who were observing them with tears in their eyes. She smiled at them, and he thought that he had never seen a more beautiful sight until she smiled at him.

Jack and Hurley approached slowly. She hugged each of them, and he let her, though all he wanted was to have her in his arms. He held on to her hand, and she let him, awkwardly. She seemed to sense that if she let go now, he might just crumble.

He watched in wonder as she composed herself. Her eyes were still red-rimmed and tired, but she looked easily more presentable than he. He squeezed her hand lightly, as if to ask if she was still there. She looked at him with love, but somewhere in her mind he could tell doubt was roaming.

"Juliet, we thought you would be on the island," Jack finally said. Of course, he would be the one that immediately needed answers.

"I did, too," Juliet admitted as the four of them headed toward the door. "But after I hit the bomb, and I saw the flash, I was back at home. It wasn't the home I was used to, but still, it was home. The odd thing was I could remember – "

It took Sawyer a while, but the vague hint of recognition in Jack's face spurred him into thinking. "Wait, wait. Back up. You _hit_ the bomb?"

Juliet glanced around her, but finally met his gaze. "Yes. After…I fell. It was there. It hadn't detonated, so I hit it. It was all I could do. To help. To make things right."

She'd hit the bomb? She'd started them over? At first, he felt betrayed – she wanted to erase him. However, his more logical thought took over. Juliet would have had no way of surviving otherwise.

"You were alive?" Hurley asked. He hadn't seen the fall, but Jack had filled him in.

"Yes," Juliet said, "Barely, I guess. But listen, can we wait until we get somewhere else to discuss all this?"

All three men agreed, but Sawyer couldn't help but get the feeling there was more to her story. He didn't think she was lying, but maybe omitting. She wore the mask of the old Juliet again. She'd shown herself to him when they were reunited, but now she walked, coldly, eyes straight ahead.

He leaned over and whispered, "I love you," to her once again. He couldn't say it enough. He'd never be able to make up for all the times he hadn't said it. She looked at him and returned his words. He didn't doubt that she meant them, but he knew there was something more.

"Dude, you need a ride home?" Hurley asked Jack. He obviously didn't want to disturb Juliet and Sawyer.

"Home?" Juliet questioned.

Sawyer looked at Jack, and then back at Juliet and shrugged. "I've been staying with Jack. I have a place, but it's a little far…"

"I think we all want to know what happened. Why don't we all just head to my place?" Jack offered. Sawyer agreed to go, mainly because there was nowhere else to go, and he wasn't comfortable discussing an island that may or may not even exist at a coffee shop somewhere.

*

She loved him. Truly. She knew it as soon as she saw him. Before she even knew if he remembered, as soon as she looked into his eyes, she loved him. Still. Despite the double past she had looming in her consciousness.

She'd pushed aside her doubts and fears as soon as he'd kissed her. She'd forgotten everything, and in that moment, she was torn open. She felt raw. She said the first things that came to her mind, and she didn't care. She didn't care what anyone thought. She'd found him.

Now, after the excitement had died down, she was facing her double past with dread. How would she explain everything? She was most worried about explaining to James that she was married…still would be, until the divorce final. She didn't know what she would be going home to, and she didn't know where he was going after this; she didn't know if they could, honestly, be together after all this. Maybe it was worse that she'd come after all.

He continued to reassure her. No doubt he knew something was up. He told her that he loved her, so many times, and she believed him. Would he still feel the same after she revealed everything to him?

When she looked into his eyes, she didn't doubt any longer.

The ride to Jack's apartment was silent. He rubbed her hand continually. She didn't pull away, wouldn't because it would hurt him.

Doubt and fear and dread. She listened to Jack and Hurley chat in the front seat. She thought of all these people with their pasts that ran linearly.

She wondered about Kate, and Kate and Jack, and Kate and James, and even if she regretted saying what she did, she still remembered that James _looked_ at her. Still, he'd looked at Juliet when they thought the whole world was going to disappear around them. But it hadn't. The memories remained.

It was going to be a hard road ahead.

They got to Jack's apartment in no time, though it felt like hours. Jack led the group up, but she hung behind, pulling James back with her.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, fine," she said.

"I don't believe you, Juliet."

She looked down. Why was she trying to maintain this façade with him? Those years _had_ happened. She brought up her hand, balled into a fist to show off the bruise. "This is how I knew it happened," she whispered.

He brought his own hand up to trace the bruise. "I hurt you," he said.

"Don't be silly. You tried to save me, James. But before I try to explain everything that's happened, there's something you need to know first." She carefully un-balled her hand, revealing the wedding ring that she hadn't even had time to remove. He hadn't noticed up to this point; he hadn't been looking.

He looked at her with a mixture of anger and betrayal. "You're married?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **Thanks for all the reviews! I'm glad you all approved the reunion scene!

All I have to say for this chapter is…I'm not the greatest at fluff. I figured you guys needed a break from all the angst…but this fic is still going!

Enjoy,

Sara

_Did you try to live on your own  
When you burned down the house and home?_

[9]

"You're married?"

He stared at her, unable to say anything else at the moment. Of _course_, she was married, she had the damn wedding ring on her finger, and he was looking right at it. She was looking at it, too, with a mixture of confusion. She was looking at it like maybe someone had snuck it on there when she wasn't looking.

"It's not what you think, really, we're – "

He let go of her hand for the first time since they'd reunited (other than when he'd had to let her get in the car). "It's not what I _think_? What the hell am I supposed to think? Two days and – you're _married_?"

Her eyes were filled with tears, and here he was, hurting her again. But, honestly, he didn't know what else to do. He felt as if she'd taken a dagger and twisted it into his heart.

"James!" She interrupted his furious rant. He saw as he looked at her that she'd put the walls up. Her stare was cold.

"Don't do that," he said softly.

"Do what?"

"Shut down. Don't shut down."

She shook her head. "What am I supposed to do, James? You're attacking me! Not even letting me finish a sentence!"

He bit back any remarks, deciding to hear her out. "Go on," he said.

"It hasn't been two days for me," she said.

He felt his mouth fall open. It hadn't been two days? So where had he been all this time?

"Well, not exactly," she continued. "When I woke up, it was like – like I had two pasts. I could remember the time on the island, but I could remember new things. Like…like getting married and…Rachel's death."

Sawyer reached out to touch her arm sympathetically. She pulled away from his touch.

"My life here was in ruins, but my life on the island, well, before everything happened, it was okay, wasn't it?"

He nodded dumbly. He hated to admit it, but she intimidated him when she got like this. Usually he was easily able to talk her out of it, but he wasn't currently in the state to talk at all. Images of wedding bells and, hideously, of little blonde children danced in his mind. He listened to her explain and tried to wrap his mind around all she was trying to say to him.

"I found the divorce papers; last night, actually. I was shocked, but I was relieved. I was having a hard time looking at my husband and not seeing your face. But I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I was the only one who remembered, or if something about being that close to the bomb had – I don't know. Regardless, I wasn't needed on the island, so, much like you, I never _went_, and because I'd been there so long, a lot of my life was changed.

"I told him to get out of the house. It's in my name anyway. It's going to be hard, going through this again, but it's going to be harder on you, assuming you even want anything to do with me now," she said the words coolly, but he knew it hurt her to say them. He wanted to reassure her, but he couldn't do even that. "And, he's my boss."

"You don't…" He trailed off, unsure of how to say this. "…have any…kids, do you?"

She shook her head. "No. I keep Julian a lot, but no kids. My marriage hasn't been on the best terms for a long time. The first time we were married, he hit me, and – "

"Hit you?" Sawyer asked, his hands tightening into fists.

"We worked it out," she continued, "and got married again. But it wasn't the same. He was having an affair, and I knew about it, but I was too weak to do anything about it."

"You, weak?"

"The island changed me. Changed us all. And now, now it never happened, and we all have these separate lives. Separate lives that don't contain each other."

Sawyer was burned by her words. "Oh yeah? Then why are we all here together? You, me, Doc, and Hurley? And Kate, even."

"Because of memories. Because you just happened to be helping an escaped convict, and you were on the news. I knew that if you all knew each other, you remembered. I could only hope you remembered me, too."

He put both hands on her shoulders, and she looked at him in a way that was wholly unemotional. "Don't you shut down on me, Juliet. The marriage thing…well, we can work it out. It's kind of like you didn't have a choice, right?"

"That's the problem, James. I did have a choice. It's like there are two Juliets. The one I've been living as, and the one you know."

"Now I don't believe that," Sawyer said, "You're the same Juliet with a few more years under your belt. Or a few less, however you want to say it." He tried to smile at her, and it worked to a certain extent. She blessed him with a quick smile of her own. "I love you, and if you feel the same, well then, I'm with you. If you don't, then I'll let you go, but it ain't gonna be easy."

"I do love you, James, but – "

"No buts." He cut her off with a quick kiss. "I got your back," he said, "no matter what, or even who, you are."

*

Hurley and Jack listened to her story with intensity. James sat at her side, listening to it all over again. He had cooled down, and she was happy for that. Still, she didn't know how their lives were going to pan out after this. Both of them had unfinished business to attend to.

Jack had been the first to accept her on the island, and although he made promises to her and left, she didn't fault him for what he did. She knew he loved Kate, and he had inadvertently left Juliet with the man who would become the love of her life. Hurley had always been kind to her, and she appreciated that. Because of her respect for the two, she was able to tell her story with little reserve. Jack was very intrigued by her double past, and Hurley often asked her to clarify things. Both were most impressed by the fact she had been the one to set off the bomb, and that by doing so, her life was more drastically changed than theirs had been.

Both men were shocked at the fact she was married, and when she mentioned the fact, they both looked at James. He looked back at them as she finished. She didn't mention every fact she'd told James about the situation, leaving out her husband's physical abuse.

She finished her story, and no one spoke for a while.

Finally, Hurley breathed, "Wow."

Juliet couldn't help but laugh at this. "Yes," she said, "it's been quite interesting." After a moment, she said, "Why don't you tell me what went on with Kate?" She purposely didn't look at James – he was welcome to answer, if he wanted, but she wanted to avoid any more confrontation.

Jack filled her in as best he could. She could tell that Kate had really hurt him, but he would still do anything to help her if she showed up again.

"—I asked Sawyer to help me. I told him that if I did, I'd help him find you," Jack said. Juliet repressed her emotions at this point. She was more than relieved to know that Jack had requested James' assistance. She felt foolish, but she honestly resented the fact that James and Kate had been so close. They had history.

Jack continued. Juliet was surprised to find that Kate had lied about her situation and had left Jack and James high and dry and with the police. She had known that Kate was on the run, but she didn't know the extent of all her actions. Obviously Kate hadn't been changed by her time on the island, and when Juliet thought about it, neither had Jack.

After Jack finished his tale, the four once again lapsed into silence.

Juliet turned to James. "What now?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

Jack and Hurley shifted a bit uncomfortably.

"I'm ready for a nap," James admitted. Juliet laughed.

"Guest room is yours," Jack said, "and yours, too, Juliet," he added awkwardly.

"Come on." James stood and offered her his hand. She took it and followed him.

-

James sat on the edge of the bed. "Listen, I don't really have to take a nap, but we do have to figure things out. Bad as I hate it." He yawned.

"Are you sure you don't need a nap?" She smiled.

"I like that," he said suddenly.

"Like what?"

"Your smile," he said, showing her his own dimples.

She shook her head and looked at the bed. Oddly enough, she saw two pillows, and both sides of the comforter had been pulled aside. "What, did you and Jack share a bed?" She joked.

He looked over his shoulder, and then back at her. His face did not reflect her joke. "Kate," he whispered.

Involuntary, she took a step back. "You _slept with Kate_?"

"Not like that," he said, standing, "She came in last night. We talked about you."

Juliet crossed her arms.

"We did. Jack told her…that I wouldn't talk about you. I wouldn't. I thought you'd want it that way. I thought you wanted to forget. I wasn't even going to come find you, because…well, I thought you were dead in that hole. I thought there was no way you could remember. Kate even said that she thought you were strong enough to survive it, that you'd remember. I never thought she was right."

His honesty struck her, and her attitude toward him softened. "James…" she said.

He threw himself back on the bed. "I think I'm ready for that nap," he said, pulling back the covers for her. Obediently, she kicked off her shoes and climbed in, clothes and all.

"I'm sorry for what I said, James," she said, pulling the covers up to her face.

He shook his head. "Don't…"

"No, I need to. When my parents divorced, I couldn't understand. My mother told me that they had to split up because sometimes just because people love each other doesn't mean they're supposed to be together. I don't know why I said it. I was…angry. When Rose and Bernard were talking about sharing their lives together…I was just hoping that maybe, maybe that would be us. But when I looked at you, you were – " A tear slipped down her cheek.

"Don't, Juliet. I—I can't explain why I was looking at Kate. It doesn't matter though. Like I said, it don't matter who I look at, I'm with you. I _want_ to be with you."

"I love you," she whispered.

He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer. He kissed her gently, and she could feel warmth spreading through her body.

"You know," she said, "I had to lose you anyway." She didn't understand why she was talking so much; she felt like she had to. She felt like she had to explain everything to him.

"What were you thinking when you set off the bomb?" He asked.

"I had to make things right."

"You did," he said softly, "Being right here with you, that's right." He pressed a firm kiss to her forehead and inhaled deeply. She pressed her face into the crook of his neck, and despite the days and the distance, he still smelled vaguely of Dharma soap. She could feel his hand running through her hair. "You don't have to explain anything. Just don't go anywhere."

"What are we going to do?" She asked.

"Well, right now," he yawned, "We're going to take a nap. And then when we wake up, we'll figure things out."

She couldn't understand how he was ready to sleep now. With their future so uncertain, her mind was racing. "But –"

"Just let me hold you," he requested, closing his eyes. "I thought I'd never be able to again."

Her heart leaped, and she edged closer to him. She kissed his neck, up his jaw, and finally his lips. He held her close, and as she listened to his breathing even out, she found herself drowsily drifting away in his arms.


	10. Chapter 10

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note:** This chapter is pretty short, and I really apologize for that. However, I have been pressed for time lately, but I really wanted to get things rolling on the next plot-line. I've found that cliff-hangers attract more reviews. Haha. So guess what you're getting at the end of this chapter! Don't scroll down and look, silly!

I love reviews, and I love you. ALL OF YOU. :)

Enjoy,

Sara

_Did you stand too close to the fire?  
Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone_

[10]

He woke from a dreamless sleep with a silly smile still plastered on his face. He felt warm, warm all over, filled with a feeling that only _she_ was able even to provoke from him. He turned to face her; sometime during his nap he'd turned away and lost the feeling of her in his arms.

When he turned over, she was gone.

It had been a _dream_, he mourned. The bed left no imprint of her but the comforter was thrown to one side. Kate had been there, the night before or maybe that night. He'd dreamed it all – going to jail, finding Juliet again – all of it.

An overwhelming feeling of loss swept over him, and it felt like he could cry, but he didn't. Calmly, he pulled back the sheets and pulled himself off the bed. The room was dark – it wasn't morning. Maybe it _did_ happen.

He walked in a trance to the door, hoping and wishing that when he opened it, she would be out there, somewhere.

"So you would, if she came back," a voice said, distinctly feminine and distinctly Juliet. He smiled to himself and opened the door, wandering barefoot into the kitchen. Jack and Juliet were seated at the small kitchen table, leaned intently toward each other.

"I would. I can't—can't think of anything else. I can't think of telling her no, that I wouldn't do anything I could. For her," Jack said. The conversation was obviously about Kate.

"I understand," Juliet said, glancing back toward the bedroom where Sawyer now stood. "Hey there, sleepy head," she greeted.

He smiled widely. She was _here_. He thought of telling her that he'd thought it was all a dream, but the distraught look that had fallen upon Jack's face kept him from being too sappy. "Hey, beautiful," he said. She smiled, and she _was_ beautiful – would always be, to him. Even with her hair carelessly tied at the nape of her neck, curls and clothes crumpled from sleep.

"Sawyer," Jack greeted awkwardly.

Juliet spoke again, "Jack and I were just talking about what is in store for us now. All of us."

Jack nodded, and Sawyer felt sad for him. Jack had sought reprieve from all that the island had brought, even _love_, and here he sat, alone and heartbroken once again. Honestly, Sawyer didn't know how Jack would cope when the drama settled – when Sawyer and Juliet were gone, and when he realized Kate was never coming back.

Juliet continued, "I have to go back to Miami. I have a life there, a job, family." Sawyer opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. "And I know that you will go with me. But right now, there are things I need to deal with that don't concern you. I mean, they do, but it's not something you need to get messed up in."

"The divorce," Sawyer said.

Juliet nodded. "I know you – and your temper. Whatever happened though, it's not Edmund's fault, per se, and he's no competition to you. However, if I bring you in, sparks will fly between the both of you. It'll look like I had an affair and – "

"Well, he did," Sawyer defended; hopelessly, he knew. Juliet had been fine without him, but now that she was back with him, he felt that he couldn't let her go again.

"I know, James, but I need to do this alone. Do you understand what I mean?"

Sawyer nodded. Jacks sighed and shuffled out of the room.

"I don't want to leave you either," Juliet admitted, "But this will be better, for both of us. When all this divorce stuff is finished, you can come with me. Until then, don't you have matters to attend to?"

He felt a stir in the pit of his stomach; he knew exactly what she was speaking of – Clementine. On the island, Sawyer had shared that he wanted to be part of his daughter's life, but he doubted Cassidy would ever let him near his daughter. He didn't know how he would be able to explain his change of heart – while it had been years for him, Cassidy would not be able to understand Sawyer's sudden want for involvement in their child's life. Less than a year earlier, Sawyer denied being the girl's father. As he had told Kate, he hadn't been fit to be anyone's father; now he had had time to grow up.

"Cassidy wouldn't understand," Sawyer said.

Juliet smiled. "You're a con-man. Make her understand."

"I'm done with that stuff."

"I know. But, James, be that little girl's father," she said.

After several minutes and phone calls, Juliet had managed to book her flight back to Miami and his flight to Albuquerque. The thought of leaving her scared him silly, but it was hard to go against what Juliet _really_ wanted, and she _really_ wanted to deal with things on her own. He had to understand her; after living with her for three years, he saw how independent she truly was.

"You sure you wanna do this?" He asked, looking at her wrinkled clothes and her wilted smile. The pair stood outside her gate; the plane was beginning to board.

"Yes, James, I do. But…I don't want to leave you."

"I'll be fine," he said with a dimpled smile. It was rather forced, although he was glad to know she wasn't just trying to get away from him again. After all this, they would have all the time in the world to be together.

"I'm not worried about your well-being," she laughed.

"_We'll_ be fine," he promised, placing a soft kiss on her lips.

"I love you," she said. Her seat number was called, and she sighed deeply. "Jet lag," she murmured.

"I love you back," he said and winked. He was trying to be strong for her. He stood and watched as she boarded. Before she disappeared, she gave him a sad little wave. He waved back and was left alone with an hour to kill before his own flight.

*

Juliet swallowed and sat down in her seat. She felt unbelievably tired, though she had briefly napped, and uncomfortable. All she wanted was a shower, and for all of this to be over. She wanted her happy ending.

She sat through the entire flight in a half-daze, and when she arrived in Miami, she left the plane with a nervous flitter in the pit of her stomach. She didn't look forward to seeing Edmund, or seeing the state in which he'd left their home. _Her_ home.

She drove all the way there rehearsing her lines. She could only hope that Edmund had carried out the divorce – had taken the papers. If not, she'd just draw up her own.

To top it all off, she was expected to show up for work tomorrow. She debated calling in sick; it was far too late to have all this to deal with.

When she pulled into the driveway, she wasn't surprised to see Edmund's car parked in the driveway. She took a deep breath, wondering how she would explain her appearance and her late arrival. Really, though, she no longer had to explain anything to him. Instead, he needed to answer to her – why was he in _her_ house?

She smiled to herself, amused by her thoughts and her new resolve. It was as if simply knowing James was out there, and remembered her, and _loved_ her, gave her strength. It brought back memories of the island, and while not all of them were good, she had developed a strength in her personality that would come in handy here.

She walked into the house with a stiff back. She was ready to deal with him, wherever he may be. Hell, maybe she'd even rouse him out of bed.

The TV flashed and yelled in the living room. Surely he wasn't still awake. She saw his head slumped on the cushions. Of course, he'd fallen asleep on the couch again.

"Edmund?" She called.

He didn't move. He was always a hard sleeper.

"Listen, Edmund," she said, leaning over the couch to nudge him, "You have to get out, this is my – " Her breath caught in her throat as her hand touched something sticky and familiar. Blood. "Edmund!" She crossed hurriedly in front of the couch. He was bleeding from the chest and stomach. Knife wounds. She knelt in front of him, checking first for his pulse. His skin was cold, and she felt no pulse beneath her fingers.

Sobs escaped her lips, but no tears fell. She felt numb. Who had done this? Why? She hadn't wanted him to _die_.

"Hello, Juliet," a familiar voice said. He stepped out from the kitchen, a smile sliding onto his thin lips. "I was wondering when you'd be home."

She felt panic rise in her throat, but she fought it back. She'd dealt with him before, could do it again. "Hello, Ben."

Ben smiled and looked down to where Edmund lay. "I thought I'd do you a favor." His beady eyes flashed back to her. "So now we can be together."


	11. Chapter 11

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note:** I'm so glad that you all are still enjoying this fic! There are so many others out there, and I am happy that you all still have time for me. =) Forgive me if I get a little OOC with Ben (or with any character, really); I've never written him before. Also, the time difference between Albuquerque and Miami makes this a bit hard to write. Let's suspend our disbelief a bit, shall we?

This chapter goes to **Sparkle **(for being a faithful, albeit anonymous reviewer, and for keeping me in character. Though I'd like to bring to your attention the flower scene in 5x08 – though we didn't see very much Suliet mush, it was because, in my opinion, the Oceanic 6 popped back up. Anyone who randomly brings home a flower is pretty sappy. Haha!), **xtoothfairy**(for telling me to write about Juliet's hair, haha), and **Aline Schultz **(you're my hero, too!).

Also, **DFaraday**, I'm in eternal debt to you for pimping this fic on Livejournal.

Enjoy,

Sara

*

_When it's time to live and let die  
And you can't get another try_

[11]

Being nervous was not something Sawyer was used to. He was a man who exuded confidence – he was a confidence man, of course. He had felt fear, too often in recent days, but nervousness was another feeling all together. It took him by surprise.

He'd wanted to go to Cassidy's house as soon as he landed, but it had been far too late and he'd been far too disheveled. If he'd showed up then, she would have likely slammed the door in his face. She may still do that.

He'd stayed in a crappy hotel near the airport where his cell phone got no service and the doors opened to the outside. He'd tried to call Juliet from the hotel phone, but she hadn't answered. He knew she had to be careful, especially with her ex-husband was around, but he still worried about her.

When the next morning came, he tried his hardest to make himself presentable. He still had the same clothes he'd taken to Sydney, plus a dress shirt Jack had reluctantly given up to Juliet – she said Sawyer would need to look professional. It was as if his daughter was some kind of business transition.

It had been all business with Cassidy, at first anyway. However, she'd been smarter than he'd given her credit. When she found out his job (if you could call it that), she wanted to learn. Looking back to those days, he cringed to think that anyone wanted to be like him.

He'd taken her under his wing but had continued the con. That's what he did. She became his partner, and more. He wasn't willing to admit that he'd loved her, but he probably had, as much as the old Sawyer could have loved anyone. Back then, it was all about him. He did anything to get himself ahead.

Cassidy was the only person that had about as much attitude as he did. It wasn't going to be easy to talk to her, but this wasn't about her, or even Juliet's request – it was about that little girl. He'd never seen more than a picture, back in 2001. The baby he'd seen must be at least approaching the terrible twos now.

He stood outside the door. The sun was directly over head. He held his cell phone in one hand, Juliet's number punched in. He felt foolish, as if he needed to call her just to hear her voice. Like she could give him some kind of strength. As soon as he pressed send, he heard some kind of commotion from inside, and the door swung open. He was face to face with Cassidy and had to hurry to end the call. _Sorry Juliet_.

Cassidy stopped dead in her tracks, looking at him with nothing short of disgust. Her hair was in a bun on the top of her head, and she was wearing a T-shirt and sweat pants. Some sort of green goop stuck to the front of her shirt. "What are _you_ doing here?"

"I came to talk to you about – "

Cassidy obviously didn't intend to hear his explanation, as she was already stalking past him to the front yard. "Keep talking," she said, "I can still hear you." She was staring up at the lone tree in their yard. She broke off a branch and swatted it on the ground a few times. "Not that I believe anything you have to say," she said, heading back toward the door.

"Listen, do you have a few minutes to – "

Cassidy whipped around to face him. "I have a two-year-old. I don't have a few minutes to do anything!" She went back into the house, leaving the door open. He guessed that was as good of an invite as anything. "Emmy!" She yelled as he crossed the threshold, standing awkwardly in the living room. Several naked Barbies littered the floor. "I've got this limb and if you don't drop that this minute, I'll use it!"

There was a short high-pitched squeal and another crash. He heard Cassidy stomp through the adjoining room, and the little girl yelled, "No, Mommy!" and then began crying. Fantastic, he'd just walked into the house, and he was already ready to call CPS. Listening closer, he heard no screaming and no signs of abuse, and he figured the stick had just been a threat.

"Cass, what are you doing?" He called, stepping toward the door of the other room.

Cassidy's face appeared in the opening. "Are you _still_ here?"

"Yes, I need to – " He stopped short as Cassidy emerged from the room, stick in one hand and the arm of a little girl in the other. He barely saw the little girl's face before she ducked behind her mother's leg.

"Yeah, fine time for you to be shy, Emmy," Cassidy said, gently pulling the little girl from behind her legs. The girl finally danced out; it was obvious that they shy-act had just been a ploy.

The little girl had a mop of sandy blonde curls with a purple hair-bow pulled half way down her head. In her hand, she held a Tupperware container. She was pudgy with baby-weight, and when she smiled, she had the most beautiful dimples that he'd ever seen.

"Emmy?" He asked, looking at Cassidy.

"Yeah, Clemmy just doesn't have that ring to it," she said. So the little girl _was_ his.

Clementine toddled forward, holding out her plastic container for him to see.

"What have you got in there, short stuff?" He asked, lowering himself to the little girl's level.

"Goo!" She yelled, plunging her hand into the containing and showing it to him. The green stuff ran up to her arm, and she giggled. She pushed it off with the other hand.

"I would have never made that with her," Cassidy said with a tinge of anger.

"Where'd she get it then?"

The little girl put the container on the ground carefully and twirled around it, singing, "Annie Kayyyy!"

"Yeah, we can all tell that '_Annie Kay_' has no kids," Cassidy said under her breath.

A voice from the upstairs landed called, "I said I was sorry!"

Sawyer felt his jaw unhinge.

"What?" Cassidy asked him, but obviously didn't care about the answer. "Listen, what do you want? Are you here for that money you gave her?" She glanced to Clementine, who promptly pulled a tiny toy airplane from the green gunk and showed it to him.

"Aerpwane!" She declared.

"Emmy, go play with Auntie Kate. She loves playing with goo," Cassidy said.

"Kate?" Sawyer asked. He thought he knew the voice, but he couldn't be sure.

At the moment, Kate – the very one, the convict – trooped down the stairs. As soon as she saw him, she stopped.

"Sawyer? What are you doing here?"

"I should ask you the same damn question, Freckles. You trying to get my kid in trouble now?"

"Your kid?" Kate asked.

"Oh, so now you're claiming her," Cassidy sighed. "And how do you two know each other?"

Clementine danced around Kate's legs, tugging on her pant legs and yelling, "Crash da aerpwane 'gain, Annie Kay!"

Kate was getting good at crashing things.

*

"Be _together_?" Juliet asked, stunned but defiant.

"And I'm so glad you remember everything as well. It was so very odd," Ben said, sitting down in her armchair and nonchalantly glancing over Edmund's body, "to wake up a few days ago with all these memories. I knew it wasn't a dream though – I _knew_." He smiled at her.

"So you tracked me down to kill my…" She thought about this carefully; it was better to claim the dead man as to get another man killed. "husband?"

"Well, if you remember, you wouldn't come to the island without having him…disposed of," Ben said carefully, "So I rather believed you would do the same now."

"Come to the island? Why? If you needed me, you would've come sooner. You haven't got Rachel as collateral this time, Ben," Juliet snarled.

Ben ran his hand over his face which, Juliet noticed, was still scuffed and slightly bruised. "Imagine my dismay to see you were nowhere to be found on the island when I came back. You see, Juliet, when I came back, I killed Jacob," he said this almost regretfully, "and then after the flash, I was back in the Dharma barracks with…" he pondered the words, "two pasts, so to say. Your story is similar, I would imagine?"

Juliet nodded dumbly. Though she had the urge to bolt for the door, her feet remained firmly on the carpeted floor. She hoped that this time, she wouldn't have to run. Maybe this time she could end it all.

Ben cleared his throat. "So now Jacob isn't dead, and the island is just how it was. Everything still _happened_, don't you see?"

Juliet shuddered. They'd still died, all the people that hadn't escaped before the bomb exploded. The Others had still taken over.

"The past always repeats itself."

Juliet wasn't sure why Ben was telling her all this. "Why, Ben, why are you here?"

"You may not be on the island now, Juliet, but you have to go back there. You will go back there, it's inevitable. Everything that happened then will happen again," he said.

Juliet shook her head. "That's not true," she stated firmly, "If it were true, I would already be back at the island."

"You're wrong," Ben said, almost cruelly, "I had to set things in motion again." He tilted his head toward Edmund, but Juliet refused to look at the man's body.

"You don't need me this time," Juliet said.

Ben shook his head. "You're wrong. Women still can't have babies on the island. The radiation from the bomb took care of that."

Juliet stared. How did he know about the bomb? Of course, Richard would know, or Jacob – they knew everything. But after all these years the radiation still effected the island's potential mothers? She swallowed and attempted to change the subject. "You _murdered_ him, Ben. You did a better job when you got him hit by a bus."

Ben smiled like he was proud of himself.

Juliet continued, "I'll call the cops. You'll be arrested."

"I wouldn't do that," Ben said.

"And why not?"

As if on cue, Juliet's cell phone buzzed in her purse. She leaped for it, but Ben was faster. He knocked her roughly out of the way and looked at the tiny screen. "Unknown number," he said and pressed end. "I guess I'll have to keep this," he said, putting the phone into his pocket.

Juliet scrambled from the floor and lunged for the door. Ben cut her off, grabbing her by the shoulders.

"Pity you remember," he said, running his grubby fingers across her cheek bone, "You were much easier to convince last time." He raised his arms, and everything went black.

-

When he shook her awake, light was already streaming through the windows. How long had she been out? Ben pressed her phone to her face, but her head was too blurry to make out the name on the screen. Roughly, he pulled her head up by the hair and demanded, "Who's _James_?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **13. That's how many reviews I got on the last chapter. 57. That's how many people have alerts on this story. Haha. C'mon, if you're busy (which I understand), just leave one word: good or bad. I'm busy, too – I work, go to class, and give you updates. Am I making you feel guilty yet? GOOD! Speaking of busy, this chapter is a little shorter than usual, but hopefully you guys will still enjoy it! The story is coming to an end, slowly but surely, and I'm sure you all wanna know what happens at the end, right? Then leave me nice reviews. :)

Enjoy,  
Sara

*

_Something inside this heart has died  
You're in ruins._

[12]

Sawyer looked at Cassidy, who looked disinterestedly between Kate and him. He'd come to talk to Cassidy, to try to work things out (what things? He didn't know), but here was Kate. He cleared his throat loudly. "Cass, can you give us a minute?"

Cassidy opened her mouth, likely for some biting reply, but Sawyer grabbed Kate by the arm and pulled her into the kitchen area before Cassidy could say anything. Clementine stared after them.

Kate still hadn't found her voice and only stared at him blankly.

"What are you doing here? You _knew_ Cassidy? Before you came back? And don't play dumb with me, you knew Clementine was my kid. You didn't think I'd come lookin' for her?"

Kate shook her head. "Cassidy – she helped me – before. Yes, I knew her." She looked up at him with those big green eyes, and he felt a pang of sympathy. He couldn't explain it, but even after all this, that freckled face still caused a dull ache somewhere in his heart.

"Keep going," he demanded.

"She – she was trying to con some people, when I was trying to see my mother and – I helped her, she helped me. I didn't know, then, that you and she were – She was pregnant, and I didn't know that –"

"But you know now," Sawyer said.

Kate was scared, he could tell that much. Her eyes darted from wall to wall, fell on Cassidy's circa 1970 fridge, and then flashed back to his face. "Did anyone – did anyone follow you? Know where you were going?"

"Maybe you should've thought of that before you high-tailed it outta there and came to play _Auntie_ with my kid." Sawyer tried to fight back the emotions he felt for her. These emotions weren't the same as before, nothing like before, when their relationship was fueled by revenge, and lust, and fear. Still, he could feel himself loosing stride, letting her win.

"Sawyer," she said softly, "Really."

He felt his shoulders drop and all the fight leave him. "No, I didn't see nobody. Only Jack and Juliet know where I am."

Her eyes widened and then softened. "You just said Juliet," she said.

He smiled slightly. He got to mention her name, like it was nothing. Because she was back, and she remembered. "She's alive, Kate, and she remembers."

Kate's face exploded into a smile, and she threw her arms around him in a quick hug. He hurriedly murmured the rest of the story to her – how that she'd got him put in prison, but Juliet had bailed him out (wasn't that how it happened last time, too?), and he told her about Juliet's current situation.

"I told you so," Kate teased, but her face still didn't look quite right.

"How long you gonna run, Freckles?"

She shrugged, hopelessly. "As long as I can."

-

Cassidy sat in an armchair in the living room, chin cupped in her hand. It was obvious from the expression on her face that she didn't buy anything he was saying.

"Listen, Cass, I've changed," he said.

She only nodded.

Kate had taken Clementine upstairs to play, finally giving Sawyer a chance to talk to Cassidy. He'd explained that he and Kate had met in the past, and he explained that he also knew Kate was on the run. Cassidy had accepted this with a certain amount of apathy and said of course he knew she was on the run; she was all over the TV. He didn't argue.

"I don't con anymore. I – that's all behind me. I'm not trying to con you, I just want a chance – a chance to…be a father, I guess."

Cassidy nodded again. "It's not that I don't think you changed," she said, "Okay, I _don't_ think you've changed, but regardless, I guess you _think_ you have. You may think it, but that doesn't mean it's true. Some people don't change."

"And who said I was one of 'em?"

"I do. I've seen you. Don't think I'm going to let you con me again, Sawyer, because I'm not. I'm not letting you hurt me or _my _daughter again. If you want the money you gave her, you can have it. You can have it as long as you stay away." Cassidy's stare was icy cool, and her voice was equally so.

"You don't understand – "

Cassidy stood. "You're right. I don't. But we're not getting anywhere with this conversation, and I'd like you to leave." Cassidy paused, a slight smile appearing on her lips. "Before my husband gets home."

"Your husband?"

"That's right. You've come barking of the wrong tree." She raised her hand, and he could see the little gold band reflect the room's light.

"Listen, Cassidy. I didn't come here to try to get you back, or to fight you for custody. I just – I wanted to give that little girl a father." Reluctantly, he mirrored her actions and stood up.

Cassidy nodded. "We appreciate the offer, but Clementine already has a father." She crossed the room and held open the door for him. "I'll tell Kate you said good-bye," Cassidy said sarcastically – she assumed that Kate had been just another one of his cons.

He fled without another word, but vowed that this wouldn't be the last time he saw that little blonde mop top.

*

Who _was _James? The name sparked some kind of memory within her, but her head was so fuzzy that she couldn't remember what relation he held to her. Groggily, she turned her face toward Ben, who was staring at the now-dark cell phone screen. She was slightly confused about why he was there, but memories flooded back into her mind. "You drugged me," she assessed.

"Answer my question."

"I don't _know_," she said softly.

"How convenient," he said. "He must not have wanted to talk." Ben pulled her up by the arm and propped her against an armchair. She could feel her head clearing. Looking around, she was not all too surprised to see that she was no longer in her house. Instead, she seemed to be in a small, shabby hotel room.

"Where am I?" The drug wasn't very strong, or otherwise she'd already slept most of it off.

"Not far," he replied cryptically. "Not the island."

With that statement, her mind opened up and suddenly she remembered _everything_ again. Without thinking, she murmured, "James…"

"Excuse me?" Ben asked, crouching before her.

Juliet shook her head and looked at him. "Doesn't ring a bell," she said. To her surprise, her voice was stronger than she expected.

He smiled, his thin lips meeting. She was close enough to see they were chapped. He ran his tongue over them.

"Ben?" She asked.

He tilted his head to one side. "Yes, Juli—"

Half-way through her name, she slammed her head forward, meeting his in a painful collision. Her head was already fuzzy enough, but he fell backward, clutching his forehead. Her cell phone fell from his hands and hit the ratty carpet with a dull thud. She climbed to her feet and nearly smiled at how foolish Ben had been – he hadn't even tied her hands. He was struggling to get to his knees, but she pushed him backward, pinning one of his arms under her knees.

"I'm not going back there," she said and gave him an elbow to the temple, which knocked him out cold. She grabbed her cell phone and shoved it into the pocket of her jeans, still rumpled and now sticking awkwardly to her legs. She stood, pausing a moment to let her head clear. On the nightstand, Ben's pistol and holster lay unused. He obviously thought he wouldn't need it.

She looked back at the man and pulled the gun from the holster. She leveled it at his body, but she couldn't pull the trigger. She couldn't even remove the safety. Ben deserved to die, but she didn't want it on her conscience. She had already been the cause of so many deaths, had already taken so many lives (but it was all erased now, right?). She lowered the gun with a sigh.

Looking around the room, she saw her purse sitting near the bed. How considerate of him to bring it with him. She grabbed it up and pushed the gun down into it. She obviously wasn't going to used it, but she wasn't leaving it with Ben.

On the hotel stationary pad, she scrawled a message. _If I see you again, you won't walk away alive._ She swallowed harshly, dropped the pen, and left the room.

She guessed she was changing history.

-

"_Hello?_" It was so confronting to hear his voice at the other end of the line.

"James," she took a deep breath, "Ben – Ben was here. He killed Edmund."

The line was silent for a moment, and then, "_Son of a bitch._"

"Listen, you don't have to – "

"_I'm on the next flight._" The line went dead, just like that.

She realized that he wasn't going to let her talk him out of it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **I really apologize for the large gap in updating. I have been, up until this point, really good at updating, but this week I started working evening shift, so it's been pretty crazy. My average day is wake up, go to class, change clothes, go to work, do homework, sleep. Haha. I will try to get some updates ready this weekend, so you guys don't have to wait that long again, but I also have to write a paper! Please forgive me!

Thanks for all the reviews. This chapter, once again, is for **Sparkle** – for you I left out some of the mush that I could've put in…also, you get points for being the most impatient reviewer. Also to Genco's anonymous friend – I hope this chapter is something like you wanted to see from Juliet.

*****

_Your faith walks on broken glass  
And the hangover doesn't pass_

[13]

Sawyer stared out the window as his plane left the sun in Albuquerque. He could see less and less light as the flight continued, mirroring his muddled mind. He felt tied; there was nothing he could do for Juliet, not on the plane or in the airport as he walked the terminal 5 times back and forth, waiting for his flight.

He'd stopped in the same gift shop each time he crossed the terminal. He bought nothing, but on the last time, he stood silently in front of the magazines, never touching one, for over half an hour. The shop attendant, a skinny brunette who he might've hit on in the past, eyed him suspiciously until he moved on to the wall of souvenirs.

He looked at the gaudy keychains, square little representations of the state's flag that proudly proclaimed the state's name. Another rack of keychains had different names upon them. Half-heartedly, he looked for Juliet's name. What was he going to do, try to fix all this with a keychain? The shop attendant loudly cleared her throat, and he purchased one of the little flags.

He held it now in his palm. He took his eyes from the darkness outside his window to regard its bright yellow surface. Juliet liked yellow, he thought to himself foolishly. He tucked it back into his pocket.

He rustled through his plane peanuts to satisfy the nagging hunger in the pit of his stomach. They were far less than filling, and he was happy for the McDonald's breakfast he'd indulged in this morning.

He laid his head back and thought of all the things that were happening, and that had happened, but he could not change. He didn't consciously try to think of these things, but he couldn't keep them from his mind. He'd let Juliet be as stubborn as she'd been on the island, and now she was suffering for it. While it had been her decision, he berated himself for letting her go. Again. He thought of Ben and burned with anger. If he ever saw the man, he couldn't be held responsible for his actions. He didn't know the whole story, and it made him nervous. He wondered if Juliet would ever tell him the whole story. He wondered if Juliet would ever let him in like she had in Dharmaville. He saw that things were different; they _had_ to be – he and Juliet were from two different worlds, and he knew it was going to take a lot of time to make things how they used to be.

He thought of Jack and his sad eyes when they'd left the night before. The Doc had even given him a hug, which was completely unexpected. Sawyer couldn't help but worry about Jack, finally planning his father's funeral and without a friend in the world. No doubt waiting for Kate to come back…

And he thought of Kate, and Clementine, and Cassidy. If Kate was found, it would put the other two in jeopardy. Clementine, of course, had no control over this, but Cassidy did. She was stubborn enough to keep him away from his own child, but she would let a convict take up residence with them. Sawyer knew that Kate wouldn't stay long; there was nothing there to stay for. He wished he would've told Kate the pain that she'd caused Jack, but it was really no use. There was nothing she could do about it now.

He leaned his head back, and he remembered Flight 815, that fated flight, that cursed flight. The flight that had crashed. The flight that had saved him, saved many people. But now it had never happened.

-

Juliet didn't meet him at the airport, but she'd given him directions to her house. He took a cab and tossed more than enough money to the driver. He practically ran up to her front door. He knocked and called her name, and after a while, she pulled the door back hesitantly. "Hey," he said.

"Hey," she answered breathlessly. She opened the door fully, and he wrapped her in a hug.

"You're crazy," he said softly, and she laughed into his shirt. He could tell she was happy to see him, but her joy was a bit forced.

She led him inside, and he was stunned to see cleaning supplies sitting upon nearly every surface. A mop and bucket leaned in the doorway of the living room and, he assumed, the kitchen. A vacuum sat in the corner.

"What are you doing?" He asked, incredulously.

"Cleaning."

"Well, I would've never guessed," he joked. "But for what reason?"

She swallowed and grabbed the mop, moving up the front hallway, away from him. "My husband was killed here. Ben was here. It needs a good, thorough cleaning."

He followed after her.

"Take off your shoes, please," she said.

Obediently, he kicked off his shoes and threw them beside the front door. "Juliet, you need to tell me what happened."

"There's not much to tell." She didn't look at him.

"Dammit, Juliet," he said, more loudly than he intended, but he couldn't help it. She was shutting down again, her best defense, but she drove him absolutely insane.

Her head jerked up, eyes wide. "What?"

"What happened?" He asked, but it was not a question, it was a demand.

Juliet calmly walked into the living room, and he followed once more. He felt like he was being tugged around by some sort of invisible leash. He didn't want to upset her, but he was angry; he couldn't help it. He just wanted answers; he just wanted her to let him in again.

Juliet sat on the arm of the living room couch, looked behind her awkwardly, and then pushed herself off the couch hurriedly. Instead, she sat on the edge of the armchair and looked up at him. He thought about sitting on the couch, but the way she'd responded to it, he couldn't. He remained standing.

"He was laying right there," she said, staring at the couch. He understood. "Looked like he'd been stabbed. I didn't look too closely. He was already dead by the time I came in last night. There was nothing I could do."

"Of course there wasn't," he said encouragingly.

She acted like she hadn't heard him. "Ben came – out of nowhere, really. He was telling me he'd done it – killed Edmund – so that we could be together now."

Sawyer felt his jaw drop, but he hurried to keep his face emotionless.

"My phone rang. I tried to get to it, but he got there first. An unknown number, he said. He kept my phone. I tried to run, but he – he did_ something_. When I woke up, it was morning, and I was in some kind of hotel room. Ben was asking me – asking me who James was. I couldn't remember anything, so I didn't tell him anything. He'd drugged me, but it must not have been strong or…maybe I'd slept it off."

Juliet paused, and Sawyer was sure he knew why. She'd been drugged, and hours of her life where missing now. She had no idea what Ben had done to her, and neither did he. They could only hope nothing had happened.

"I started to remember things. He kept asking me about you, but I didn't tell him anything. He was – just inattentive, I guess. I overpowered him and knocked him out. I," she paused again; her gaze seemed to rove around the room on its own accord, "I found his gun. Aimed it at him and – I couldn't do it. I couldn't pull the trigger."

Sawyer inhaled sharply. "So he's still here? In Miami?"

Juliet half-nodded, half-shrugged. "I saw where I was. Only about 20 minutes from here. I thought he'd be smarter. I left him there, but that was hours again."

Sawyer ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. After all Ben had done, she let him _live_. "Juliet, what's keepin' the son of a bitch from coming back?"

"That's why I didn't want you to come, James, but you didn't give me another choice."

"You're damn right. You think I'd just leave you here alone?"

Juliet's gaze never met his. "I took the gun, got rid of it. I left a note, a threat."

"You know this guy – a note ain't going to stop him."

"Maybe this time," she said softly. He was less than optimistic.

*

She leaned forward in her seat, elbows digging into her thighs. She was tired, hungry, and scared, but she tried not to show any of this to him. "I went to the police," she said, "But I didn't turn him in. I told them how I'd found Edmund. They came to the house, questioned me, all that. They look the body. Said they'd call me if there was any news. Edmund obviously hadn't told anyone about the divorce – I guess I'd be a suspect. I still I _am_, I suppose. There was no forced entry; Edmund probably just _let_ him in."

She let her gaze fall briefly on his; his was full of sympathy and anger and pain…and blame. She couldn't bear to look for long.

"So they left, I showered, started cleaning…I didn't know what else to do." She shrugged slightly and stood, signaling the end of her story. He moved in front of her.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm going to clean," she said.

"I'll take care of everything," he said, and though it was meant to be a consolation, it wasn't.

She looked at him, a sudden heat flushing her body. "Take care of _everything_? How? Are you going to make the funeral arrangements? Are you going to hold my hand through all this? No, you can't. Because we're not _us_. I'm Juliet and you're Sawyer," she said.

"I'm who?" His voice dropped an octave.

"Sawyer," she said, nearly whispering.

"You – you never call me that. That's not who I am. Not with you."

She shook her head quickly. "It doesn't matter. Listen, you just want me to let you take care of me. Like in Dharma times. But you_ can't._"

"I can," he said forcefully, "I can, Juliet, and I will. It doesn't matter if you're going to let me. It doesn't matter why I _can_ do, it's what I _will_ do. Maybe I can't take care of everything, but I'll damn well do my best to take care of you."

She bit her lip and looked down at the floor.

"Look at me," he demanded.

She looked up, and she saw that he didn't understand. She could see that he wasn't worried about himself, but about her. He didn't understand why things couldn't be the same.

"Remember back in Dharmaville. Do you still _remember_, Juliet?"

"Of course," she replied.

"It was just you and me. Just you and me against the world, or that's what we thought. It's still the _same_, Juliet. It's still me and you, and sure you've got some extra memories and a little baggage, but you're still you. You're still mine." He gave her a brief flash of dimples, and she couldn't help but smile back in return. "There's just one thing I need from you."

"Yeah?"

"Let me in. Let me in that crazy, beautiful, messed up head 'a yours."

She looked up at him, and in that moment, something inside her broke. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She crumpled to the floor, sobbing and holding her chest, as if to keep her heart from spilling out. All the fear, the confusion, and the worry of the past three hectic days came to a culmination. She felt him lower himself down to her. He put his arm around her awkwardly, and she folded into his chest.

"I need a drink," she choked out, and his chest jumped from his laughter. She felt him shift and then his hand appeared in front of her face, holding a little yellow flag with a red cross on a keychain.

"New Mexico's flag," he said awkwardly.

She laughed and held the little flag close to her chest. It only made her cry harder. She kept her head down, had no idea what he was doing, but she hoped he was happy, because this – this was what was going on inside her head.


	14. Chapter 14

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **This is the last actual chapter! I know, you guys are probably screaming at me right now. You'll be happy to know that **there will be an Epilogue** to wrap everything up in a little bow for you. :) I'm also considering a sequel, but it will be after my summer class is over, if ever. So don't _count_ on it, but it is _possible_. Maybe a prequel…I haven't gotten to write any good missing three years pieces yet.

This chapter continues little plot development and a good deal of fluff…so if you don't like that, don't read it. Haha. There's also a T scene at the end, just a warning. Nothing too bad, I promise. You won't even blush.

This chapter is dedicated to **24isthebest**, if you're still reading, because I added the "steamy Suliet scene" just for you.

_Also, I have a new one-shot, **Fractions**, that you guys may enjoy, so if you haven't stumbled upon it already, I encourage you to go read it and give me your feedback._

Enjoy,  
Sara

*

_When it's time to live and let die  
And you can't get another try_

[14]

He held her for as long as she would let him, which felt like an eternity. It wasn't that he didn't want to be there for her, it was just that he could do nothing for her. She heaved and sobbed into his chest, and all he could do was rub slow circles in her back, like he used to in Dharmaville when she was upset. But this wasn't Dharma, where they'd merely played house. This was somehow more real to him. This was the present.

She finally finished with a few hiccups and looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes. Her face wasn't blank, it was full of the pain she was feeling, and he honestly didn't know if he could handle all this. But he knew he could, and he would – for her. She'd given him what he asked for, and he couldn't expect her to be strong forever.

"Now," he said, grinning at her, "Don't that feel better?"

He was impressed to see that this pulled a slow smile out of her. "I guess," she said. She sat up beside him, leaning her head against the wall. "You wouldn't believe it. I was – with Ben, you know, and when I got back, I couldn't even…I couldn't even _think_ about it, not even if I tried. I guess I built up so many barriers I couldn't even see things for myself. I just sat…just sat, and listened to all the messages on my machine, people at work wondering where I was. I couldn't call them back, you know. For a minute, I didn't even _know_ where I'd been. I had to call Jared, of course, to tell him I wouldn't be getting Julian today…and tell him about Edmund. He doesn't talk much, so it wasn't bad…but, eventually, I've got to tell everyone. Can you imagine?" She looked at him then with such overwhelming honesty that he almost had to turn away. But he didn't, he kept his eyes right on hers.

"What's wrong?" He asked, although the question was loaded. He felt like it would've been better to ask what _wasn't_ wrong.

"Julian," she breathed, "How am I going to tell him? He loved Edmund…and Edmund loved him. He was – so different – with Julian." Her words were broken, but her eyes never left his. He knew she wanted to know what he thought, but he was at a loss. He wasn't even allowed to see his own kid, so how was he supposed to give her advice on one?

"Don't you think – you said his name was Jared, I believe."

She nodded.

"Don't you think Jared will break the news?"

Juliet nodded, but just as quickly, she shook her head. "He'll ask me – everyday, no doubt. That's how Julian is. He's smarter than other kids. I can tell, even though he's so little. He asks a lot of questions."

"It'll be okay," he said. He couldn't be sure, but something told him that things _would_ be okay, although he felt a certain pressure upon himself to _make_ things okay. "I'll be here."

"Don't you – don't you need to go back? To Tennessee? You said you had a place there," she said.

"I've got places everywhere," he admitted, "Money, property…everywhere. Hell, you ain't even gotta show up at work ever again." He smiled, and she smiled back, but he knew as well as she did that she would go back to work.

She ran her hands down her thighs, palms flat, fingers stretching, as if searching for something. "What about Clementine?"

He'd thought of the little girl often, but he hadn't thought of what to tell Juliet. He could, of course, only tell her the truth – he owed that to her, even though he'd like to leave out the part about…Auntie Kate.

"I went down there, got all cleaned up for it. I was just about to call you, but as soon as I pushed send, here comes Cassidy stalking out the front door to pull a limb off a tree. I thought I was gonna have to call the cops on her, for child abuse or somethin', but it was all for show. Little thing probably hasn't been whipped a day in her life." He chucked to himself. "Anyway, I met her, and she's," he tried to think of the words, "Well, next to you, she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

Juliet elbowed him gently in the arm, but she smiled, just the same.

"Cass calls her 'Emmy.' So this little booger tries to con me, right off, acting like she's shy and whatnot." He smiled to himself. "Then she starts dancing around, playing with some green goo she's got, yelling about how 'Annie Kay' got it for her. I keep tryin' to get Cass to talk to me, but she's too busy trying to stop the kid from tearing around the house, or ignoring me. Finally she tells the kid to go play with aunt, Auntie _Kate_," he said, emphasizing the name.

She looked up at him with wide eyes. "No…"

"The very same," he said, "She comes trooping down the stairs, so I took her aside and started talking to her. She says she's known Cassidy before…before I told her to find her, obviously, or she wouldn't have been there. And Cassidy obviously helped her out with some stuff, so Cass is helping her again, and giving her a place to stay, and of course Cass _knows_ she's runnin' from the cops."

Juliet didn't say anything, just looked at him with shock and confusion. She looked about how he'd felt when he saw Kate.

"So I go back to Cassidy, finally, to talk, and she doesn't want to hear anything about it." He decided not to say what Cassidy really said, _Some people don't change_. "She tells me she's married, and Clementine's already got a father. So I left."

"You just left?" Juliet asked. She was obviously interested in the story.

"Yeah, there wasn't anything else I could do there. I guess I understand, no one wants their kid around a guy like me," he said. He didn't really mean to say it, but it slipped out. It wasn't time for self-pity.

"James…" she began.

"I didn't mean to say that," he said. "I guess – she doesn't want her kid around who I was. She doesn't think – she doesn't think I've changed."

"Well, you have," Juliet said matter-of-factly.

"Thanks," he mumbled, "But…something about that little girl…"

"Tell me about her," Juliet said, closing her eyes.

He didn't want to deny her, so he delved into a full description of Clementine. That mop of hair, those blue eyes, those dimples.

"She sounds like you," she said, smiling, "Except the curls." At the moment, her stomach let out an abnormal screech. She put her hand to it apologetically.

"You hungry?"

"Was it that obvious?"

He was glad to see her joking again. Despite that doubt that still lingered in her eyes, she seemed to be regaining herself. He stood and held out his hand to help her up, but she was already to her feet, smiling at him.

"Direct me to the kitchen, and you just sit tight."

She smiled and pointed toward a doorway to their right. He'd always done the cooking back in Dharmaville. He'd been on his own long enough to know a thing or two about the kitchen, even if his skills were fairly limited.

When he returned to the living room with a grilled peanut butter sandwich (a Southern favorite, but he'd left off the bananas because he knew she didn't like them), she was curled in the arm chair, eyes closed.

"Juliet," he said, but she didn't answer. Fast asleep.

He laid the sandwich on the coffee table and was on his way to scout out her bedroom when he heard her.

"Mmm, I smell peanut better."

"Sawyer's Special," he said lightly.

She shook her head. "You're not Sawyer, remember?"

"Well, I – I still have his cooking skills." He grinned, grabbed the plate, and held it up to her. "Need me to feed it to you?"

"I think I can handle it," she said, tearing at the sandwich and trying, like she always did, to keep all the melted peanut butter inside until the very last.

"After that, we're going to bed."

"Hmm," she murmured.

"What?"

"We're going to _sleep_, or we're just going to bed?" She said through the peanut butter, sputtering a little, but still managing to turn him on.

He shook his head slowly. "I think you've got two different personalities."

She smiled and crammed the rest of the sandwich into her mouth. "I'm ready!"

*

It was as if someone else had taken over her head. She was saying things that she didn't exactly mean – she meant them, but it seemed so wrong.

She was treating the whole situation like what had happened – what had _just happened_ was nothing. And here she was, trying to seduce him (though there wasn't much trying necessary), and she planned to lead him right to her bed, where she had been just nights ago, with her husband.

Still, they had been getting a divorce – things had changed. Despite what she thought, those last three years with James had happened, and even more recently than they seemed. What did she owe Edmund? What had he given her in their time together except endless grief? She rarely saw his money, his time, or his good side.

Although she knew all this was true, and though she was looking into the eyes of the man she loved, _truly_ loved, it felt so _wrong_.

"Changed you mind?" He asked. She knew he was hopeful that she hadn't. He still didn't understand.

"I—It feels…"

"It's okay," he said.

She shook her head. Now was not the time for this, to battle what was right and what was wrong. The truth of the matter was simple – she was going to get on with her life, and she was going to spend her life with _him_.

To hell with what people thought.

"C'mon," she beckoned, standing and leading him into the bedroom. He followed, somewhat hesitantly, but he didn't complain.

-

They were nude and wrapped up in each other before she knew what happened. She could feel his hand trail across her body, tracing the bruises that still marred her midsection, although he couldn't see them under the covers. She remembered the pain that the chains had caused, but it was nothing compared to the pain she felt leaving him.

He pressed his lips to hers; their tongues tangled. He bit down softly on her bottom lip and pulled away.

"What?" She breathed.

"Are you –"

"I'm sure," she smiled, and she hoped he believed her. She did want this; she wanted him.

He kissed her again, running his tongue across her bottom lip. She smiled into his lips, ran her hands through his hair, pulling him closer to her. He kissed from her jaw line to her collarbone, causing shivers to run down her spine.

He didn't delay for long, and when he entered her, she arched her back and he held her close. He whispered in her ear, unintelligible words and phrases, but none of it made sense to her. She could only _feel_, as he moved inside her, in and out.

Her release came and shook her entire body. She didn't make a sound; she never did, just a deep sigh. He finished shortly after, collapsing on her with a little laugh, just like always. She exhaled deeply as he rolled off and pulled her close. Their breaths mingled between them.

"I love you," he whispered. He was saying it so often lately, it surprised her.

"I know," she replied cheekily.

"Everything'll be okay," he said, more softly, sincerely.

She just smiled, but in that moment, she believed him.


	15. Epilogue

**Title:** In Ruins

**Summary:** Post-Finale, Suliet/Skate/Jate; "Everything disappeared in a flash, much like those he felt as they skipped from time to time, past to present; bleeding noses, bleeding hearts."

**Author's Note: **Here it is, the final installment. It's really sad to have to end this story, but trust me, it's not the end of things from me! I'd just like to write some other things, and successfully finish my summer class, and then I'm definitely considering a sequel to mess everything up again. Haha.

First of all, let me say, I love you guys. You've all been amazing inspirations and amazing readers. Whether you've given me plot ideas, sent me e-smilies, or talked to me in depth about this story, I want to thank each and every one of you.

Secondly, I need ideas, and you guys are perfect for the job. If you have any ideas for stories (preferably to be one-shots, or short multi-chapters), let me know. Your wish is my command. Also, be sure to include anything you'd like to see for this fic's sequel.

And last, I'm really proud of this epilogue, so leave me some goodies!

Enjoy,

Sara

*

[epilogue]

He watched for what seemed like the hundredth time as Kate's face flashed on the TV screen. She was still on the run, just like he knew she'd always be – if she could help it. She'd surely crossed the Mexican border by now, at least he hoped. He couldn't bear the thought of her staying with that innocent kid, even with Cassidy, who was a few quarters short of a dollar herself. And, of course, he couldn't bear the thought of Kate – his Freckles – being held up like a criminal – like the criminal she truly was, but then again, so was he. He was able to live his life with Juliet, and he didn't see why Kate couldn't get a chance to start over as well. Maybe she would.

"Still haven't caught her?" Her hand rested on his shoulder, and he tilted his hand back to look at her. She was dressed for work and, as always, looked spectacular.

He shook his head. "No. Still runnin'."

Juliet only nodded and floated through the kitchen, stopping at the counter to fill up her coffee cup. "Thanks for the coffee," she said, smiling.

"My pleasure."

It had been less than a month since she'd finally broken down and let him see her, see her truly for the mess she was. She'd cleaned up quite nicely.

He hadn't been there to hold her hand at the funeral, but he was there when she got home. He couldn't go with her to her first day back at work, but he did buy her a new couch which, surprising, went quite well in the living room. He hadn't met any of her friends, but he had found a job.

"You ready for your first day, Mr. La Fleur?" She quipped playfully.

"Ah, don't call me that."

"Officer Ford?"

"I'm not an officer," he grumbled.

"Do you get to ride one of those 'It' things?"

"Hush up, Blondie. I'll tazer you."

"Are you qualified to carry a tazer?"

"Hmph," he grunted. She laughed her little bell-like laugh like she always did when she knew she won. His job was nothing compared to hers; she was a fertility specialist, and a damn good one, and he was…he was a mall security cop.

"It'll be just like Dharma," she said.

"I'm sure."

"But you'll miss Phil, of course."

"My heart's breakin'."

She sat down at the table, mixing milk into her coffee until the drink was no longer warm or distinguishable. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Worried about Clementine?"

God, how she read his mind, time after time, would always amaze him. He nodded his head slightly.

"And Kate." She didn't ask, she knew.

He nodded again. He could tell that there was still a hint of jealously in her voice, but it was nothing destructive. "And, oddly enough, Jack," he said.

Juliet laced her fingers around the coffee mug and looked at him with her amazing blue eyes. "Why Jack?"

"Well, she's why he did it, you know – she's why he set us all back, so that he wouldn't ever have to…lose her, I guess," he said, carefully using Juliet's own words. "I bet he still thinks she'll come back."

She pursed her lips and tilted her head.

"What?" He asked.

She laughed softly. "It's just – you've changed."

"Since when?"

"Since…well, you know."

"Since I would've liked to watch Jack suffer?"

She laughed again. "No, I don't think you ever _actually_ wanted that."

"You weren't around the whole time."

"No, I was just thinking about when we first met, and it was just…it was fast for us, when you think about it."

He grinned, showing his dimples. "That thin line between love and hate."

She smiled at him, glanced to the clock, and stood. She grabbed a granola bar from the pantry and tore back the wrapper.

"Don't see how you can eat those things."

She took a bite and smiled through it, which provoked a laugh from him. She'd changed, too, but he wasn't about to try to say something philosophical about that. She wasn't the same person he meant on the island, not even the same person that bailed him out of jail about a month back. She was more like the Juliet he played house with in Dharma, and here they were, playing house again.

He moved in with little flourish. Neither could imagine living separate lives after their lives had intertwined back on the island. Though Juliet had, at first, worried about what people would think, she soon dismissed the idea. They were in Miami, not some small town. It would be rare they ever met up with someone she knew, especially since she had spent most of her time living up to her husband's expectations rather than making friends.

"Have a good day at work, mall cop" she said. She'd been teasing him about his job since he found out he got it. He didn't need the money, but he did need something to do while she was gone all day, only to come back with her smart ass nephew, who Sawyer really couldn't help but love.

She leaned down to give him a kiss, which he graciously accepted, although he was still scowling.

"You'll be fine," she said.

"Yeah, but with those smart remarks, I don't know if you will be."

She only laughed and whirled out the door, leaving him looking after her and wondering how she had, after all this, come out to be even better than he'd expected.

*

"He here? He here?" Julian skipped around the front hallway, asking for James, though he refused to ever call him anything but "he."

Juliet laughed. "Not yet, but _James_ will be here soon."

Her fears about confronting Julian with Edmund's death had been for naught. Jared had explained everything to the little boy. Julian was older now than he had been when his own mother died, but he still didn't quite understand what he was being told. He asked for Edmund every day for about a week, but once he'd discovered James as a playmate, he'd given up the search for Edmund. Kids were funny that way, and she knew that when Julian was grown, he'd have nothing but foggy memories of his lost uncle, if any.

Juliet led Julian to the kitchen, where he scrambled into one of the kitchen chairs and began working on a coloring sheet he'd been given at "school." He scribbled on it furiously.

"What do you want for snack?"

"'Sicle!"

Juliet laughed and shook her head. "Julian, you can't have a popsicle for snack."

Julian didn't seem to mind. "Dinos!"

As Juliet began fixing his dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, she heard the front door open and close.

"He here!" Julian yelled, struggling to get out of the chair. As soon as his feet hit the floor, he began running.

Seconds later, James entered the kitchen, Julian draped over his shoulder and kicking furiously. "Oh no, I got you now," James growled. Julian squealed as James contained the little boy's legs and bent to kiss Juliet.

"How was your day?" She asked. They could be a sit-com family; she and James conversing while Julian yelled loudly and pounded on his back.

"Just like Dharma," he drawled.

She laughed. "Put him down, his Dinos are done."

"Dinos!" Julian yelled.

James pulled Julian off his shoulder and put him on the ground. Julian scrambled to the kitchen table and dug into his food.

Juliet looked to James, who was looking fondly at the little boy. "Just like Dharma, huh?"

"Yeah, all but the dodging vampire kids and, you know, the whole lookin' for shoplifters thing. Mostly just watching monitors."

"Make any new friends?"

"No Phils there," James joked. "A couple of the guys I met are okay, but don't be expectin' any poker nights yet…or book clubs."

She laughed, and she hardly believed that she'd ever laughed more than she had in the last two weeks. She still felt guilty for Edmund's death – there was reason for that, she believed, but she also knew she had to get on with her life, for Julian, for James, for herself.

As she stood, leaning against her kitchen counter, watching the little blonde boy munch on his chicken nuggets, and standing next to the other most important blonde in her life, she thought maybe they could be a family – maybe they _were_ a family. She felt secure…happy, now that she could let go of her guilt and truly share herself with another person. She only hoped she could always feel like this, that this feeling, like most other things in her life, would not be compromised or destroyed. She quickly shook these negative feelings from her head.

Julian squirmed from the chair and stood in front of them, looking at James. "Monsta!" Julian yelled, and James transformed into a growling monster, chasing him through the kitchen.

Juliet only shook her head and smiled. This was her life now, and it was beautiful.

[end]


	16. Sequel Teaser

**In Shallow Seas We Sail**

**Author's Note: **This is a teaser from my new fic, sequel to In Ruins, called In Shallow Seas We Sail. I'll be posting the first chapter tomorrow, so I wanted to post this for all those that put alerts on IR. So you guys are getting it here first! The teaser is just little pieces of dialogue. It's meant to be pretty confusing -- you don't really know who is saying what. Anyway, I'm pretty excited about the premise I have for this new fic. I hope to see you all over at ISSWS when I post it. :)

Enjoy,  
Sara

*

"He took her."

*

"Cassidy? What's going on?"

"Sawyer – I didn't know who else to call. You said you knew Kate and so I thought maybe you could help…I don't know what to do anymore!"

*

"I'm always back on the island, and I know you're coming to find me. But I don't want you to."

"Relax, it's just a dream."

"What if it's not?"

*

"It's happening to you, too, isn't it? The island is breaking through. I'm standing in my front yard and all I see is sand and water. And my house isn't on the beach."

*

"We have to go back."

"Back where?"

"To the island. We have to go back."

*

"I'm not doing this for me anymore. This is what Jacob wants."

*

"What is this?"

"This is a war."

*

"They know how to get us to go back."

"How?"

"By taking away what we love."


End file.
